This screenplay landed at #2 on the 2018 blacklist. This was another script that I read without knowing anything about it. I actually skipped over it a couple of times and read other screenplays because I thought this was going to be a rework of a Shakespeare play.
I was wrong.
This script is about Richard Williams - the father of famous tennis players - Serena and Venus.
Right off the bat, there's a lesson to be learned about having a good title for your screenplay. Now, I'm not suggesting King Richard is a bad title, I'm suggesting that it's not the very best.
Your title must suggest the tone of the film - if you're writing a comedy, your title should have a sense of irony or humor to it. If your writing a rom-com it needs to convey that. If you're writing a horror your title should reflect the dark horror tone.
I actually read Get Home Safe first from the 2018 blacklist because I liked the title.
The title of your screenplay is the introduction to your story - the introduction to you your film - choose your title carefully, give it as much consideration as you do every other aspect of your film.
SUMMARY
This story follows the formative years of Serena and Venus' tennis careers. It is mostly focused on Richard, their father and the incredible lengths he went to in order to break through into this predominately rich white sport.
Richard faces racism and hatred from every angle, but the tenacity with which he perseveres is borderline insane.
We all know how this story ends - Serena and Venus become world-class tennis players and are still playing to this day at the highest level. Something that is rarely, if ever seen in any other players at that level.
This story is not about their success, but more about how Richard navigated the predatory world of elite child athletes.
Without getting into spoilers - this screenplay kicks ass on pretty much every level and is highly deserving of its position at #2 on the 2018 blacklist.
CONCEPT
The concept here is superb. A dedicated father risks his life to give his two daughters a chance to become prodigal athletes.
This is a very clever way to approach a biopic. Rather than focusing on the athletes themselves, Serena and Venus - the writer has found the more interesting story - and the more relatable story - a parent doing anything they can to give their children a chance to succeed.
CONCEPT RATING 9/10
CONCEPT TIP
There is a direct correlation between the reliability of your concept and your film's success.
If your concept is about a man obsessed with creating the world's most perfect brick, you're going to have a hard time selling that. There are not many people out there who are excited about creating a perfect brick. Whereas, almost every single parent can relate to going above and beyond to give your children that extra step up in life.
The more relatable your concept - the more likely your film will succeed.
FORM
Form is beautiful here. The writing is very clean - I didn't spot one typo or syntax error. The sentences are clean and well written. The writer doesn't talk to the reader, the writer only writes things that can be seen on the screen.
If anything, the script is a little overwritten. It could be trimmed back by about 15% and still tell the same story effectively - but that's a matter of taste. I prefer lean scripts that read fast. Some readers like to have all the finer details written out for them.
FORM RATING 9/10
FORM TIP
You can always cut 10%. Once you have your finished draft, once you have locked in your scenes, your dialogue and you're ready to send your script out to professionals - take a week away from your script - then come back to it with the intent of trimming 10% from it. I've very rarely read a screenplay that couldn't lose 10% of the writing and still tell just as good a story.
STRUCTURE
Structure here was perfect as well. How do I know that? Because Richard has a flaw. At first, I thought that this was going to be another biopic where the hero has no flaw - the story simply follows Richard's efforts to give his daughters a chance to become elite athletes. I thought that all the conflict was going to come from the external elements - but I was wrong. At around page 15 we become aware of a turmoil within Richard he must overcome to succeed.
Good structure is directly related to your hero's flaw. Without a flaw, there is no inner journey. No inner journey means you've only got an external story. That's only half a story. The other half is internal.
STRUCTURE RATING 9/10
STRUCTURE TIP
Make me love your hero BEFORE you show me their flaw. The writer here is obviously very aware of the need to make me fall in love with the hero before you reveal their negative side.
If you show me your hero's negative side THEN you try to get me to like them, it's an uphill battle.
CHARACTERS
Characters here are nearly perfect. We're focused on Richard for the entire story - with Venus and Serena coming a close equal second. Each character has unique personality traits and none of the secondary characters outshine the hero.
CHARACTERS RATING 8/10
CHARACTER TIP
Make sure that each character has their own feel. Make sure that none of the characters are cliches or tropes. A mistake that a lesser writer would likely have made in this biopic would be to focus too much on Serena and Venus. Instead the story stayed focused on Richard and his ordeal. If you're writing a biopic, be careful not to lose focus of your original objective - don't write two or three biopics in one. Choose your hero and stay focused on telling their story.
DIALOGUE
Dialogue here is good, it's not exceptional. There was no character that jumped off the page and really felt like their dialogue was extremely well written. But at the same time, there was no On The Nose dialogue. It also didn't feel like dialogue was overwritten.
DIALOGUE RATING 7/10
DIALOGUE TIP
There is a fine line to walk when writing dialogue. You don't want to write ON THE NOSE - where everything is said literally. But at the same time, you don't want to write everything too cryptically.
Record a conversation you have with a good friend. Don't let them know you're recording it. Then write it down later verbatim. What you'll see is that dialogue chops and changes naturally. A question will go unanswered for a minute then randomly it will be answered at a later stage in the conversation. Often people insinuate what they're feeling rather than directly say it. It's a great exercise that is highly worth doing.
VOICE
Voice here is not as pronounced as yesterday's script - Get Home Safe - this writer is far more seasoned. That's clear because there are almost no rules broken. This script is a great example of a successful screenplay BECAUSE the writer follows the screenwriting rules.
In this instance, the writer has a strong voice because the sum of all the elements of the screenplay are equally strong.
Right away you know the writer knows what they're doing and the confidence of their writing makes the reader let go of being critical and go along for the ride.
VOICE RATING 8/10
VOICE TIP
There are two parts to VOICE. There's the sum of all the individual parts of the screenplay - then there's the X factor. You can't teach or learn X factor. X factor is your writing personality. Just like in real life, everyone has a personality, some better than others. The same is true for writing. Instead of focusing on X factor, focus on the elements you know you can control - all the individual aspects of your screenplay. If you get the concept right, if your form is great, if your characters and their dialogue feel real, if your structure is centered around your hero's flaw and you pump your script with empathy - then your voice will come across as very strong.
PRODUCTION
This film is Oscar bait. Actors love roles that could potentially win them awards. This film is period - in that it is not set in contemporary times, and while the budget would get a mild pump because of that, setting the film in the late '80s is much easier and cheaper than setting it in the 1700s.
I'd give this film a minimum budget of $20m, but if the right team was behind it, it could easily do five times that at the box office.
SUMMARY
A great film that succeeds on every level.
One thing I do want to point out here is that this film has bucket loads of empathy beats in the open 5 pages. We see Richard literally risking his life warring with local gang members just so his daughters can use the local tennis courts for practice.
I can not stress the importance of EMPATHY beats enough.
SUMMARY TIP
Go to the script you're working on right now and inject 10 empathy beats for your hero in the first 20 pages. If you've got a solid empathy beat every two pages for the first 20 pages you will hook your reader and pull them into your story.
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