BLACK LIST 2018 - PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN

This script finished at #6 on the 2018 blacklist. 

This screenplay was just awful. 

I get what the writer was trying to do, but the execution was terrible. 

When I was young I wrote a story about a woman overcoming sexual oppression. My English teacher gave me a low mark because the story just wasn't anywhere near realistic. 

That sprang to mind as I read this story here. It just wasn't anywhere near realistic. It was like a revenge fantasy written by someone who was very angry. 

STORY SUMMARY

Cassandra is a very beautiful 30-year old who lives at home and works at a coffee shop. 

She spends her nights going to bars, PRETENDING to be drunk, then going home with guys. 

When at their home she confronts them when they try to have sex with her. She reveals she's not drunk at all and tests to see if they still want to have sex with her. Without fail they don't want to have sex as they're embarrassed they were caught trying to have sex with a very drunk girl. 

There's a great idea there. But the execution of this is so unrealistic it's almost laughable. For instance, every single guy she goes home with tries to 'rape' her. 

That does happen, no argument there, but every single one of them? That strikes me as a little bias. The problem here is that the premise of this script is a generalization. All men are rapists. That's just a horrible premise for a screenplay. 

Ironically it is equally as disgusting a premise as all women who wear short dresses and get drunk are sluts.

Cassandra is traumatized by an event from her college days. Her close friend, Nina, was raped. After no one believed her, she committed suicide. Now Cassandra is on a mission to punish men. 

CONCEPT

There is a great concept here. Revenge on men who do evil things to women. That is great. And while I commend the author for tackling such a subject as rape in college dorms, something that is prolific across America - I feel that this execution here falls short. 

CONCEPT RATING 8/10

CONCEPT EXECUTION 3/10

CONCEPT TIP

Having a great concept isn't enough. You need to deliver on your concept. If the gender roles in this story were reversed, the author would be called misogynist.

FORM

Form isn't great here. There are spelling mistakes littered throughout the script. This script could also benefit from a 15% trim. It comes in at 105 pages but could easily be written in 95 pages. 

The writing starts out well, the opening 20 pages are great, but then the quality of the writing falls off in the latter half of the script. 

This is a very common phenomenon in screenplays. Why? because very often the writer will edit from page 1, often get distracted, then stop editing around page 50. Then they come back and they read from page 1 again. Very often the first half of the script is well written, but the second half is messier. 

FORM RATING 7/10

FORM TIP

Make sure you go over the second half of your script just as much you do the first half. 

STRUCTURE

There isn't any real sense of structure here. Cassandra has a good flaw, she is angry that her friend committed suicide because no one believed she was raped in college. And while that anger consumes her and controls her life, she never realizes that. In fact, as the story progresses, her anger multiplies, and she loses control. 

I'll try not to do any major spoilers here - but at the end of the film, something major happens. Something unpredictable and horrible. It involves a death. It goes to show just how unhinged Casandra became. 

Structure revolves around a hero's flaw and their journey through self-discovery and recognition of the flaw. This script doesn't do any of this. She never self reflects and tries to understand what it is that's holding her back in life, she never admits that her flaw is detrimental to her, she simply holds onto the flaw and allows it to carry her deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole. 

STRUCTURE RATING 4/10

STRUCTURE TIP

Giving your hero a great flaw is the first step toward great structure. The next step is having the hero slowly recognize their flaw and try to overcome their flaw. If you give your hero a flaw and then have them embrace their flaw and live off its negative energy, allowing their flaw to control and guide their life, then your structure will be weak. 

CHARACTERS & DIALOGUE

The characters here were all overwritten. Not one of them was terribly realistic. 

There was the woman scorned. 

There was the lover who fell for the woman no matter how bat shit crazy she was. 

There was the employer who didn't mind that Cassandra was a bitch to customers and spat in their coffees. 

There was the dean of the college who was the obligatory sexist. 

There were the countless men in the night clubs who were ALL rapists. 

Dialogue here was one-note. Every character spoke with the same cadence, the same style, the same infections, they all had the same wry sense of humor. 

CHARACTERS & DIALOGUE RATING 5/10

 

CHARACTERS & DIALOGUE TIP

Try to ground your characters in the reality of your story. Within the world you create in your screenplay, your characters must feel real. It doesn't matter if you're writing a drama about college rape, or a sci-fi or a horror, whatever the world you create, try to make your characters seem real.

All the characters here felt hyper-real, they all felt like cliches and tropes. 

PRODUCTION

This film is listed on IMDB as (FILMING) 2020 with Carey Mulligan attached. I won't be surprised if this film doesn't get made. If it sits in 'production' indefinitely. 

It would be a fairly cheap film to shoot. If it was done for around $5m and had biggish names attached such as Carey then it could make money. 

My only concern is that in its present form it would come off as man-hating. 

SUMMARY

There is a great story very worth telling here. But in its current form it is just too contrived. If there was a solid re-write this film could really find an audience. 

THINGS TO IMPROVE ON

There is almost no empathy for Cassandra. She doesn't really do anything to make the reader/viewer like her. When you have an unlikable hero it is an uphill battle to get your audience to engage with your film. 

Spoiler - 

In the culmination of the film, there is a death. Then immediately those that witnessed the death - but weren't party to causing the death, suggest that they burn the body to get rid of the evidence. 

This is just ridiculous. To suggest that a group of men would all immediately become complicit to murder to protect a buddy is straight up sexism. 

Flip the coin - imagine a male writer writing the same scenario where one woman accidentally killed a man in self-defense then all her friends are onboard with burning the male body, no questions asked. That would be seen as a sexist and women hating.

Please don't get me wrong. Rape in college dorms is a real issue in America. It is a topic that should be talked about more, I just feel that this execution of the story on this subject falls short. It's a powerful concept that deserves a much better re-write. I hope they do before they make this film so it reaches the widest possible audience and has the most impact it can.