This screenplay landed at #3 on the 2018 blacklist. I went into the read not knowing anything about it. I've given up watching trailers nowadays as I find they give away too much of the film.
While loglines definitely have their place, there is something refreshing about going into a screenplay having no idea what you're about to read, other than a possible genre suggestion given by the title of the film.
Now, from the title alone I guessed this was a horror. And I feel like this would be pitched as a horror if it were to be made, but here's the thing, this screenplay is anything but a straight forward horror.
In fact, this script is anything but ordinary. It breaks pretty much every rule there is in screenwriting, but it somehow works. Let's dive into why I came away from this script moved by the story.
SUMMARY
I don't want to get into too much detail about the story here as to do so would mean giving away some serious spoilers. The film spans just one night, Halloween in Manhattan. We meet our hero - Skylar, at her home - a small studio in Spanish-Harlem Manhattan. As she readies herself for an evening out she speaks with her mom who lives in Texas. Her mom is enduring radiation therapy for cancer. Soon after, Skylar leaves the house to go and meet her friends. On the journey there she is sexually accosted both verbally and physically by various men.
It being Halloween everyone is dressed up in crazy outfits, it's the kind of night that a real psychopath could walk the streets freely and go unnoticed. She happens to meet one of these - a muscular young man wearing only his underpants and wearing a baby-mask.
Skylark meets her best friend at a bar and some other good friends, they drop Molly (MDMA) and go from bar to bar getting progressively drunker. But everywhere Skylar goes, this man-baby seems to be there. It's almost as though he's following her. Stalking her.
The story question becomes, as the title suggests - will Skylar get home safe, or not?
Before I dive into the analysis of this script, context is very important.
As I mentioned, this script is anything but ordinary. The first two pages are a letter from the author to you, the reader. They talk about the writer, Christy Hall, and her previous accomplishments, a screenplay that she wrote called Daddio. I know nothing about Daddio, but having read this script I'd like to read it. In her preamble, Christy talks about how Daddio was thought to be unapologetically written by a woman for women. There was no consideration for the male audience. When asked to re-write it with a more male-friendly slant she vehemently refused.
She then goes on to justify her screenplay, writing that it was not written for a male audience, that it is written by a woman with only a female audience in mind. She makes no apology for her film being targeted only toward women. This screenplay is unapologetically feminist.
The reason I detail this here is that it changes my break down of this script.
This screenplay is written by a woman, dealing with real things that women endure on a daily basis.
Let's look at...
CONCEPT
On surface level, the concept here is pretty damn weak.
Young woman in Manhattan is stalked by a deranged young man. That is not a fresh idea. But here's the thing. It is the execution of this concept that elevates this script. The concept here could more correctly be distilled to - the firsthand experience of a woman enduring sexual harassment on multiple levels as she simply tries to enjoy a night out with her friends.
I just realized that there are two aspects to this concept.
There is the horror element - young woman stalked through Manhattan on Halloween.
Then there is the drama element - young woman stands up to sexual harassment on a night out in Manhattan.
If you removed the drama element to this concept it wouldn't hold much water. But because this script is so much more than the simple horror vehicle concept, because this film is not exploitative of women, because it is an exercise in looking at a majorly messed up aspect of modern society - sexism - the concept works.
CONCEPT - gets two ratings here - 2/10 for the surface level concept - and 9/10 for the deeper aspect of the concept and what it really is.
CONCEPT TIP
No matter what genre you are writing your screenplay, thriller, horror, sci-fi, comedy, musical, etc... at its core your story must be a strong drama. If you are writing a story in any of these genres I strongly suggest you stop focusing on the GENRE aspect of your story - and focus (at first) on getting the human element of your story as perfect as you can. What really connects an audience with a film is the 'human element' - if you don't have well-developed characters going through a genuinely emotional journey of understanding your film will feel 2d and it won't connect with your viewers.
FORM
Again, this script falls into two categories. The writer, Christy Hall breaks all the rules. She talks directly to the reader. Her scenes go on and on. She does a huge NO-NO by writing a two-page introduction of herself and the story you're about to read. She uses BOLD for her slug lines. She over describes things like hell. She directs the camera. On a surface level, this script's form is all over the place.
BUT....
Here's the thing, this script is the exception to the rule. Christy has representation, good representation. When you are on the inside, getting your work seen is much easier. Producers and industry people look at your work differently. If you're managed by a big agency, your work comes with a stamp of approval. People stop looking at the finer details of your script - such as how well it's written and focus more on STORY. What is the core of the story here? Can we take that core and develop it into something powerful?
FORM RATING - surface level it gets a 5/10 - but when you consider that this script is trying to break rules and is already an 'insider' script, then the low form rating doesn't really undercut the screenplay’s chance of success.
FORM TIP
Learn the rules before you break them. There are dozens of screenwriting rules. It is fine to break them, but it's important to be AWARE that you're breaking them. While this script is unlike anything I've read in a long time, it is so in a good way. Don't assume that just because you break the rules that your script will seem unique and brilliant. Odds are it won't. Odds are it will look like you don't really know what you're doing.
STRUCTURE
The structure here is waaaaay off the typical hero's journey. As far as I can tell the main character has NO FLAW. When your hero has no flaw it makes structure difficult. There's no real inciting incident here at all. You might say that Skylar meeting the SHADOW (the man dressed as a baby) is the inciting incident, but that doesn't really test her flaw, as Skylar has no flaw. There is a significant event that changes Skylar's life, (being the basic definition of an inciting incident) but that doesn't occur until after page 50.
I would say that structure is this script's biggest weakness. If this screenplay followed a little more of a traditional hero's journey it could really elevate the story.
STRUCTURE RATING - 4/10 - the structure here is way off.
STRUCTURE TIP - It is fine to break the rules! It is fine to not follow the traditional hero's journey structure! In fact, often times it is great when a story veers off track and your structure becomes UNPREDICTABLE! There's nothing worse than knowing ahead of time how a story is going to go. If at the 20-minute mark you guess the next five major beats of the film and you're right, that film quickly becomes boring as hell!
BUT here's the thing. Like I said before, LEARN THE RULES BEFORE YOU BREAK THEM, so you know when you're breaking the rules. If not, your script will come off as looking like you never really understood how a well-structured story is supposed to be.
CHARACTERS
One of the great aspects of this screenplay is that the characters are all very real. Even the SHADOW is realistic. The mom seems very real and the best friend is very real. The one thing that really helps this script overcome its shortcomings is that its characters are firmly grounded in reality.
CHARACTER RATING - 8/10
CHARACTER TIP
One of the main problems with a lot of screenplays is that the characters come across as PHONEY. They come across as tropes. A trope is a cliché. The Jock football player. The dumb bimbo. The Asian computer hacker. Etc. You get the idea. You should never write in tropes. You should never write in clichés. Always try to ground your characters in reality as much as you can. The more real your characters feel the more realistic your story will feel.
DIALOGUE
The dialogue here is good. It is very real. But my biggest concern is there’s far too much. The opening scene where Skylar is chatting with her Mom goes on for 10 pages. While it reads fast, I remember thinking, okay, I get it, I get that she has this really strong relationship with her mom and that her mom has cancer.
To improve the dialogue here I would want the fat trimmed. Not a huge cut, as the 'chatty' nature of the dialogue here, is part of this script's charm, but I would love for it to be made 30% tighter.
DIALOGUE RATING 7/10
DIALOGUE TIP
Know what it is you are doing in each scene. Then write dialogue around those beats. When you have two characters just chatting it is easy for you to think that it is great dialogue as it might read really fast. But one minute of reading time goes much faster than one minute of watching dialogue that has no real point or direction. For those out there who want to do a test of this - a great exercise is to write two versions of a scene. Write one that is 5 or 6 pages long, then trim that scene back to a 2-page scene. Make sure that you are getting all the main points of interest across in both scenes, then get in touch with some half decent actors and film them doing both versions of the scenes. When you watch them back you will come to see just how boring excessive dialogue is.
VOICE
I may as well go straight to the rating for this aspect of the script. 10/10
Christy breaks all the rules but she has a voice so strong that you almost forget the screenplays mistakes. You certainly forgive it far more than you would any other script.
Voice is very hard to quantify. I've said that it is the sum of all the aspects of your script, which is true, but there is also that X factor that is impossible to quantify. And whatever that X factor is, Christy has it in buckets.
PRODUCTION
This film could be made fairly cheaply. I imagine around the $5million mark would get you an A-lister female and decent production value.
The thing about this script is it is not reliant on budget. You could shoot a $50,000 version of this film with an up and coming actress that wants a big break, and you would still have a great film on your hands. Would it be the same as if Emma Stone played the lead - hell no - but still, this script is a great example of writing for those people out there who are fed up with rejection after rejection and want to prove their abilities by making their own damn film. Getting $50k to fund a film is infinitely easier than getting $5m. Because this film is essentially a horror there is a wide range of festivals that would jump at it.
PRODUCTION RATING - 9/10
PRODUCTION TIP
If you're looking to break in as a director, producer or writer this kind of script is perfect. It's not reliant on an A-lister, it's not reliant on a huge budget, but it's not just a boring drama. It’s a horror with a powerful message at its heart. There is a HUGE audience for films like this out there, and even if you only do a half decent job, a film like this will open doors for you, your team and your future projects.
SUMMARY
While this screenplay is rough and raw and it really doesn't follow many of the screenwriting rules - the voice, the characters, the dialogue and the unique feminist angle of this film elevate it far beyond its shortcomings.
I highly recommend this script to those that get a chance to read it.
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