This screenplay is one of the reasons that the Black List is not a BEST OF list, but a MOST LIKED list. What's the difference? Sometimes a script is a fast, fun read, as this script was (kinda) but really, when you put your business hat on, this script would not make a penny.
There are lots of reasons why this script would fail miserably as a film.
The main reason is the concept.
CONCEPT
Drudge is about Mathew Drudge the creator or the Drudge Report. It details how he came from a neglected childhood and created one of the most successful online news websites. The DrudgeReport.com is reportedly worth hundreds of millions of dollars and has more online traffic than the NY Times and Washington Post combined.
That might sound impressive, but here's the thing. Do you want to PAY to go to the cinema to watch a story about a guy who created a successful website?
Some might argue that that's what Social Network (about Facebook) was about and that was a successful film.
Wrong, the creation of Facebook is a story about changing the way people communicate and interact with others online. Facebook has literally changed society in every country across the world.
This story is about a guy who creates a hacky online news website. That's not a concept that's going to excite many people into going to PAY MONEY to go to the cinema.
Now, this film would do ok on Netflix if the right team got behind it.
But as the script stands at the moment, it's rife with mistakes. Let's look at why this script was fun to read but would fail as a film.
FORM
Form is ok here. The writing ok. This story is a comedy and the jokes are ok. There is a lot of excessive writing. This script comes in at 119 pages. You could EASILY tell the same story in 90 pages.
FORM RATING 6/10
FORM TIP
Keep it short and sweet. If you have a scene that's running longer than 3 pages, trim it. If you have a scene that's running longer than 5 pages. Trim it. If your script is around 100 pages, trim it to 95. If your script is 110 pages, trim it to 100. If your script is 119 pages, trim it back to 100 at the very most. Don't waste the reader's time. Readers are your gateway to producers. Make them like you. Write tight material and your script will outshine those that write heavy.
STRUCTURE
This script suffers immensely as Drudge has no flaw. He's not trying to overcome any real inner conflict. He does make the mistake of thinking that the 'liberals' who feed him his news scoops are his friends when really they're using him, but when he finally realizes this, he continues to embrace the same people, because without their inside scoops his website wouldn't be cutting edge. It wouldn't be ahead of the rest.
When you have no flaw, it's very hard to create any real discernible structure. Flaw and structure are intertwined. Sure, you have a story here, stuff happens, but when you don't have a clear structure, the story just seems to ramble on and on without any real goal.
STRUCTURE RATING 4/10
STRUCTURE TIP
Give your hero a flaw and watch your structure evolve. As soon as you have a hero who is trying to make good decisions, but ends up making bad decisions because of his flaw you have a structure. I'm not going to get into the complete Hero's Journey structure here - as that would require pages and pages of writing - so if you don't understand the hero's journey - then you need to teach yourself. Just google it, there are countless websites that break it down into one page.
CHARACTERS & DIALOGUE
This is one of the reasons this script fails. Drudge is not likable at all. All of the other characters are unlikable. When you have a screenplay that has no likable characters you have a very hard, uphill battle to getting anyone to care about your film. Unlikeable characters might work on the page and seem interesting to read about - but when you put the same story up on a screen - your audience will check out if they don't like your hero.
The dialogue here is ok - there's nothing bad about it, but there's nothing exceptional about it. The humor here is really average. Not once did I laugh out loud. Compare that to KING RICHARD - where I actually cried and burst out laughing during the read.
CHARACTER & DIALOGUE RATING 5/10
CHARACTER & DIALOGUE TIP
If you can create characters that actually evoke a genuine emotion (cry, laugh, anger, annoyed, etc) as you read, your script is going to do really well. Think about what makes people laugh out loud. Think about what makes people cry. Inject these elements into your script.
VOICE
Voice here is so-so. It's not a terrible script, but it feels very vanilla. Voice being the sum of all the parts isn't adding up to very much here. The script and concept are at best mediocre.
VOICE RATING 4/10
VOICE TIP
Nail the individual elements of your story and your voice will become stronger, your writing personality will seem more engaging.
PRODUCTION
If I were a producer I would pass on this script. Even if I really enjoyed the read, there is no way in hell this story would make money at the box office. There's just not enough people out there who are interested in seeing a film about a successful news website. The concept is too weak.
PRODUCTION RATING 1/10
PRODUCTION TIP
Don't spend months or years writing a script where the concept isn't strong enough to get people to go to the cinema. If your concept is only strong enough to be on Netflix, work on a concept that's good enough for cinema. There's nothing wrong with Netflix, it's the future of entertainment, but to stand out from the pack your IDEA needs to be strong. This idea is not.
SUMMARY
This film failed on many fronts. Aside from the ones I've written about there were two more main things this script did wrong we can learn from.
1) EMPATHY - there was no ACTIVE POSITIVE empathy beats for Drudge - our hero. All the beats were PASSIVE POSITIVE.
What's the difference?
ACTIVE POSITIVE empathy is when your hero DOES things we love them for.
PASSIVE POSITIVE empathy is when bad things happen to your hero and we feel sorry for them.
Active positive empathy is MUCH stronger than passive positive empathy.
2) POV - this film's opening 5 pages are with Drudge's parents in a courtroom. Not only does this scene take 5 pages to establish what could be done in 1 page. It is confusing - I spent the first 5 pages wondering who the hero of the story was going to be. The mom or the dad? Turns out, neither - it was the son - who wasn't even present.
A simple remedy to this would be to place Drudge in the courtroom watching as his parents argue over who wants him (spoiler - neither want him).
That would make this scene from Drudge's POV and it would elevate the impact of the scene.
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