This script came in at #8 on the 2018 blacklist.
It's best described as a sci-fi time-travel comedy.
This script was a haaaaard read. It's one of those scripts that are really heavily written. The writing is great, there's just too much of it.
PLOT SUMMARY
We open in 2076 and the future is an apocalyptic wasteland. The Duke is a tyrant dictator of the entire world. Dixie has been sent to kill him. Which she does. But then she dons a travel backpack and goes back in time to kill The Duke before he became the evil tyrant that he is, in the hope that it will restore peace to the world.
When Dixie gets back to 2018, she tries to kill Barrett, the man who will become The Duke, but she can't quite bring herself to, as he hasn't technically done anything bad yet.
There's some serious chemistry between the two, they end up falling for each other and Dixie gets pregnant.
The story question then becomes, can Dixie save the future by saving Barrett and changing him into a good person, or is his death the only way to save the future?
CONCEPT
I'm not really sure what to make of the concept here. I found the idea of the story tiring. I feel that there is an audience out there for this kind of time traveling comedy, it's just that I'm not that audience.
When looking at a script I try to remove my own personal tastes and look at it as objectively as I can. I'm not a massive fan of rom-coms - but I'm very aware that there are huge numbers of people out there who love them.
I wonder how many people out there want to watch a time travel comedy? I feel like the concept here would find an audience on Netflix, but I'm don't think people would pay money to see this at the cinema.
CONCEPT RATING 7/10
CONCEPT TIP
The concept here is clever. It's well executed. My only real comment on this concept is whether or not it would find a large enough audience to justify the budget required to make this film.
EMPATHY
Reading this script was an uphill battle. It took me a long time to read it. I didn't enjoy the read. If I wasn't reading it to do a review of it, I would have given up on it a long time ago. There's no way I would have finished it.
As I was about to force myself to read it for the third time, I wondered why I wasn't enjoying the read. The story is well written, and it's very, very clever.
Then I realized that I didn't like either of the two lead characters.
Barrett/The Duke is a horrible person. But, he's written as a horrible person. It's all part of his character.
Then Dixie, while she has 'good intentions' (save the future) there's no solid empathy beats to MAKE me like her.
The opening scene is a battle sequence that ends in Dixie killing Barrett.
There's nothing there for me to connect to. There's no REASON to like her. She doesn't risk her life to save anyone, she doesn't go out of her way to be kind to anyone.
There's lots of action but there's no emotional connection between the audience and Dixie.
If the writer made an effort to CONNECT me to Dixie, if he showed her doing kind and loving things toward other people I would have had more empathy toward her and consequently I would have been more invested in the story.
EMPATHY RATING 3/10
EMPATHY TIP
Awesome fight sequences get really boring, really quickly. The more screenplays I review the more I come to understand the importance of creating EMPATHY for your hero. The two scripts that I have really connected with recently have had HUGE amounts of empathy for the hero.
King Richard is by far the most empathetic hero I've read in a long time. It's hard to not want to read a story about a father who literally risks his life just so his daughters can use a tennis court to practice on.
Altruism is the highest form of empathy there is.
FORM
The writing here is superb. The humor is great. The formatting is really good.
My only real comment is this script read like molasses. It was a slow, slow read. I feel like the writer is clever enough to write this script with a third fewer words. That would've made the read a hell of a lot more enjoyable.
FORM RATING 8/10
FORM TIP
Lean, lean, lean. Being able to tell a story in the most concise form possible is a really powerful skill set.
Take a sentence that is 15 words long. Then re-write it so it's only 10 words long. Most of the time this is possible. If you can do that you're saving 30%!
Your script will read sooooo much faster and be so much more enjoyable.
CHARACTERS & DIALOGUE
Characters are great. Dixie is well drawn and so is Barrett. All the minor characters are very well written as well. They're very different from each other.
Dialogue is also great. The humor is really good and very self-referential.
CHARACTERS & DIALOGUE RATING 8/10
CHARACTERS & DIALOGUE TIP
Make sure you don't underwrite your minor characters. This doesn't mean you have to develop whole sub-storylines for every character you write, but the more developed all your minor characters are the more real and well written your script will be.
VOICE
The writer here has a solid voice. He has a great sense of humor, his characters are all very well written and dialogue is fantastic.
While this script doesn't work for me, I would definitely consider working with this writer. If I had a concept that I loved I'm sure that he would be able to write in any genre to a very high standard.
VOICE TIP
Your script doesn't necessarily need to get made for you to break in. If you write a script that a lot of people love that demonstrates your writing ability, it can be a great sample piece that can get you writing jobs.
I often say that the strength of your overall voice is dependant on how well you execute each individual aspect of your script. The stronger each element, the stronger your overall voice will be.
PRODUCTION
This film would have a hard time making money. It's sci-fi with all the expensive elements, futuristic wasteland, etc, action sequences, and immense fight sequences, but I'm just don't think there's enough of an audience out there waiting to spend money on going to see a time-traveling comedy.
As a producer, I wouldn't put money into this script.
SUMMARY
An extremely well-written script that shows off the writer's talents. His only mistake was the lack of empathy for his two lead heroes. Fix that part of the script and it would be hard to fault this screenplay.
No comments:
Post a Comment