Monday, 3 February 2025

BLACKLIST 2024 - #1 ONE NIGHT ONLY

The BLACKLIST is a list of the most loved not-yet-produced screenplays doing the rounds in Hollywood. #1 on that list with 60 votes is...

One Night Only

LOGLINE:

In a near-future America where premarital sex is illegal except for one sanctioned night each year, two strangers—heartbroken Owen and disillusioned Hannah—navigate a citywide frenzy of romance, desperation, and self-discovery as they search for meaning in a world where love has become a transaction.

STRENGTHS & SCREENWRITING LESSONS

1. Premise & World-Building – The Power of High-Concept Hooks

The screenplay opens with an immediately intriguing premise: What if sex were outlawed except for one night a year? This is The Purge meets When Harry Met Sally, a blend of dystopian satire and romantic comedy.

What Works:

✅ The premise is clear, high-stakes, and instantly marketable. A world where intimacy is regulated by the government is rich with narrative possibilities, both comedic and dramatic.

✅ The biosensor tattoos (which change color to signal legal sexual activity) are an elegant visual metaphor for government control over personal freedom. A great example of show, don’t tell world-building.

✅ The world feels lived-in. Details like stores selling out of condoms, black-market Viagra, and underground sex auctions make it feel grounded in reality despite its heightened concept.

Screenwriting Tip:

A strong premise isn’t just a gimmick—it must inform character choices, conflict, and theme. Here, the world’s rules force characters into difficult decisions, creating natural dramatic tension.

2. Structure – The Hero’s Journey With a Rom-Com Twist

At its core, One Night Only follows a classic Hero’s Journey structure—but instead of fighting a villain, Owen and Hannah battle their own cynicism and loneliness.

Act 1 – The Ordinary World & Call to Adventure (Pages 1–30)

Owen’s setup: He’s dumped by Clarissa, who tells him she’s sleeping with someone else tonight.
Hannah’s setup: She’s excited to reunite with a past lover (Sebastian), but he never shows.
The Inciting Incident: Both characters are forced into the chaos of this one night, searching for meaning in a world that only values transactional intimacy.

Act 2 – Tests, Allies, Enemies (Pages 30–90)

Owen and Hannah cross paths repeatedly in a series of escalating misadventures (failed hook-ups, a black-market condom race, a secret underground sex auction).
Their opposites-attract dynamic builds tension—Hannah chases romance, Owen chases revenge sex, but neither finds satisfaction.
Midpoint Shift: Hannah is invited into the underground elite sex auction, symbolizing the commodification of love, while Owen spirals further into desperation.

Act 3 – The Climax & Transformation (Pages 90–120)

Both characters hit rock bottom—Hannah realizes romance doesn’t exist in this world, Owen realizes meaningless sex won’t heal him.
Their emotional walls break down. Through shared vulnerability, they find something real in a world designed to strip love of meaning.
Final scene (potential improvement): The story should resolve with a stronger emotional payoff—do they find love, or just connection?

Screenwriting Tip:

✅ Structure must serve character arcs. The escalating obstacles (romantic rejection, absurdity, desperation) force Owen and Hannah to grow, making their final choice feel earned.

✅ The midpoint should shift the stakes. Here, Hannah is given an easy way out (luxury and meaningless sex), while Owen loses everything. This moment defines the rest of their journey.

3. Characters – Strong Arcs, but Could Go Deeper

Owen – The Heartbroken Everyman

✅ What Works:

A relatable underdog. Owen starts as a passive "nice guy" clinging to the idea of love, but by the end, he learns self-respect.
His journey feels authentic. He’s not magically healed—his arc is messy, filled with mistakes and self-destruction.

❌ What Could Be Improved:

His emotional low point lacks true consequence. He loses his fiancée, gets scammed, and fails to find casual sex—but does he truly face a crisis? What if the law forced him into an even worse situation (e.g., unable to legally marry in the future)?

Hannah – The Disillusioned Romantic

✅ What Works:

Her disillusionment is compelling. She enters believing in romance, but every experience reinforces its artificiality (being stood up, the elite auction).
She’s active. Unlike Owen, she chases what she wants—making her a strong co-lead.

❌ What Could Be Improved:

The underground auction should push her further. Maybe she almost agrees, forcing a real moral dilemma.

Screenwriting Tip:

✅ A character arc isn’t just about changing opinions—it’s about making harder choices. Push characters into situations that force them to choose growth over comfort.

4. Dialogue – Sharp, Funny, but Occasionally On-the-Nose

✅ What Works:

The banter between Owen and Hannah is fantastic—witty, fast-paced, and filled with subtext.
Secondary characters shine. Owen’s mom, the sarcastic nurse, and Hannah’s friend Arya add humor and depth.

❌ What Could Be Improved:

Exposition sometimes slips into dialogue. (e.g., early conversations about "The Mandate" feel a little too explanatory).
Some emotional beats could land harder. Owen’s pain is funny, but does it hurt enough?

Screenwriting Tip:

✅ Great dialogue balances wit and subtext. Instead of telling us how Owen feels, show it through awkward silences, bitter jokes, or small losses (e.g., watching couples kiss on the subway).

✅ Side characters should steal scenes—but not overshadow leads. Arya and the nurse are fantastic, but don’t let them take emotional weight from Hannah and Owen.

5. Themes & Symbolism – Strong But Could Go Deeper

Theme 1: The Commodification of Love

The sex auction literalizes the idea that romance is a marketplace—a brilliant concept.
The black-market condom race symbolizes how even basic human intimacy is controlled.

Theme 2: The Death of Romance in a World of Rules

Owen clings to old-school romance, while Hannah slowly realizes romance has been corrupted.
Their final choice (or lack of one) should reinforce this theme—does love still exist?

Screenwriting Tip:

✅ Symbolism should be integrated, not forced. The biosensors are perfect world-building—they’re a sci-fi device that subtly reinforces themes of control and intimacy.

✅ A theme should be tested by the story. By Act 3, Owen and Hannah must actively choose whether to believe in love, reject it, or redefine it.

FINAL VERDICT

✅ What This Screenplay Teaches Us About Great Writing:

Start with a high-concept idea, but ensure it drives character and theme.
Every scene should escalate stakes and deepen character dilemmas.
Dialogue should be sharp, but emotional beats must land with weight.
A strong theme should evolve—forcing the characters to question and change.

❌ What Could Be Improved:

Higher stakes for the characters (legal consequences, moral dilemmas).
A more powerful resolution—does Owen/Hannah change the system, or just themselves?
Pacing in Act 2 could be slightly tighter.

Final Thoughts:

One Night Only is a smart, funny, and thematically rich screenplay with huge potential. With sharper emotional stakes and a clearer resolution, it could be a modern classic.

SCREENWRITING TIPS FROM - GROUNDHOG DAY

GROUNDHOG DAY

This script is a masterclass in high-concept storytelling.

Written by Danny Rubin and Harold Ramis, Groundhog Day landed in Hollywood with a deceptively simple premise: What if a man had to relive the same day over and over again? But under that high-concept hook is a film that’s about so much more—growth, redemption, and the human condition.

Let’s break down the story and see what makes it work so well.

THE SETUP

We start in a typical early ‘90s rom-com setting—big city, cynical protagonist, small-town charm.

Phil Connors, our hero, is a weatherman who thinks he's above it all. He’s arrogant, dismissive, and treats everyone around him like they exist solely for his amusement. He’s heading to the small town of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, to cover the annual Groundhog Day event—something he clearly believes is beneath him.

Along for the ride are Rita, his producer, and Larry, the cameraman. Rita is bright-eyed, optimistic, and charming—everything Phil isn’t. This is important because Groundhog Day is, at its core, a redemption story. And for that to work, we need to see just how far Phil has to fall before he can rise again.

The first act plays out exactly as expected: Phil does his job, mocks the small-town festivities, and prepares to leave. But then—the storm.

A blizzard (one Phil had confidently predicted would pass them by) forces the crew to stay another night. And when Phil wakes up the next morning… it’s February 2nd all over again.

This is where the story takes its sharp turn.

THE PREMISE IN ACTION

Once Phil realizes he’s stuck in a time loop, the film starts playing with the concept in every way possible.

At first, he’s confused. Then, he tests the waters—small experiments like breaking a pencil to see if it’s still intact the next day. Then, as the reality of his situation sinks in, he goes through the classic Five Stages of Grief.

Denial – "This must be a dream."
Anger – He lashes out, mocks people, and becomes reckless.
Bargaining – He tries to use his knowledge to manipulate situations (like seducing women).
Depression – He spirals, realizing there may be no way out.
Acceptance – He decides to become a better person.

This structure gives the film its emotional core. We watch Phil go from selfishness to despair to self-improvement. The audience is on the journey with him, feeling his frustration but also his gradual transformation.

ACTIVE VS. PASSIVE EMPATHY

Phil starts as a deeply unlikable character, which is risky. If he had stayed passive—just letting the loop torture him—we wouldn’t care about him. But what Groundhog Day does brilliantly is make Phil active.

He tests the loop in increasingly extreme ways.
He exploits his knowledge to manipulate people (the wrong way to use his gift).
He tries to break free through drastic actions.
And finally, he chooses to grow.

Because Phil is actively fighting his fate—even when he’s being a jerk—we stay invested in his journey.

By the end, when he starts genuinely helping people (saving a homeless man, catching a falling boy, fixing a flat tire), we believe in his transformation.

Audiences love heroes who fight for themselves. We don’t respect people who wallow in misery—we respect people who struggle to become better.

SETUP & PAYOFF

This film is airtight when it comes to setup and payoff.

Every detail introduced in the first act gets flipped or deepened later:

Ned Ryerson, the annoying insurance salesman, is a joke at first, but later becomes a test of Phil’s patience and kindness.
The old homeless man’s fate shifts from something Phil ignores to something he actively tries (and fails) to prevent.
Phil’s knowledge of the town starts as a means to trick people but ends up being a tool for kindness.

The best films don’t waste a single scene. They reward the audience for paying attention, and Groundhog Day is one of the best examples of that principle in action.

CLOSED-ENDED VS. OPEN-ENDED GOAL

One of the reasons this film works so well is because it actually has both types of goals.

At first, Phil’s goal is completely open-ended. He just wants to escape the time loop, but he has no idea how. Every attempt fails, and there’s no clear way forward.

But as the film progresses, his goal becomes closed-ended. He shifts from wanting to escape to wanting to become a better person—something tangible that we can track.

By the final act, the audience understands that the way to "win" is for Phil to genuinely change.

This balance between open-ended mystery and closed-ended growth keeps the film from feeling aimless while still leaving room for interpretation.

THE PAYOFF EXCEEDS THE SETUP

The ending of Groundhog Day is perfect.

Phil finally lives through February 2nd as the best version of himself—kind, generous, and selfless. He wakes up on February 3rd, and the loop is broken.

Importantly, the film never explicitly states why this happens. Was it a divine lesson? A cosmic glitch? It doesn’t matter. The story works because the emotional payoff is bigger than the premise itself.

If Phil had simply been released from the loop for no reason, it wouldn’t have felt satisfying. If he had stayed trapped forever, it would have felt empty. Instead, the film makes the audience feel like Phil earned his freedom.

The journey was the reward.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Groundhog Day is more than just a clever high-concept film—it’s a lesson in storytelling.

It takes a simple premise and explores it to its fullest potential.
It makes the hero active, even when he’s flawed.
It sets up and pays off every story beat with precision.
It balances mystery and resolution in a way that keeps audiences engaged.

This is why the film has endured for decades. It’s not just a comedy. It’s not just a fantasy. It’s a deeply human story about growth, redemption, and purpose.

If you’re writing a script, take a lesson from Groundhog Day—make sure your payoff is greater than your setup.

That’s what makes a film truly unforgettable.

STORY NOTES

I’m a professional, working screenwriter/director/producer.

I have worked with Morgan Freeman (The Shawshank Redemption), Harvey Keitel (Pulp Fiction), Olga Kurylenko (Quantum Of Solace), Matt Doran (The Matrix).

Unlike many other script-doctor services, the notes I provide are in-depth and comprehensive, often running to ten pages, ensuring every aspect of your story is analyzed.

What you get…

Page Read Notes. These are beat specific notes that arise as I read your script. These focus on the minutiae of your story as it unfolds.
General Notes. These focus on all the key aspects of your screenplay, being: Concept, Form, Characters, Dialogue, Hero, Antagonist, Voice, Production, Hero’s Journey, Goal, Stakes, Urgency.
A one hour Zoom call to go over the notes and answer all your questions before you begin your deep dive into your next draft.
Lastly, I offer indefinite email follow up. Feel free to email any questions that arise as you rewrite your screenplay. It’s always great to have an objective sounding board to bounce ideas off.

Email samuelb888@gmail.com to take your story to the next level.

All the very best with your writing journey!

Saturday, 1 February 2025

SCREENWRITING TIPS FROM - THE GODFATHER PT1 - MICHAEL

Summary from Michael’s POV

Michael Corleone begins as the reluctant son of a powerful Mafia family. Having distanced himself from his family's criminal empire, he returns home for his sister's wedding, where he reassures his girlfriend, Kay, that he is not involved in his father’s business. However, when his father, Vito Corleone, is nearly assassinated, Michael is pulled into the violent underworld. In a pivotal moment, he kills Sollozzo and McCluskey, setting him on an irreversible path toward becoming the new Don. As the story unfolds, Michael methodically eliminates his enemies, takes control of the family, and ultimately loses his soul in the process. By the film’s end, he has fully embraced his role as the new Godfather, shutting out Kay and cementing his transformation.

Michael’s Hero’s Journey

1. The Ordinary World

Michael is an outsider to his family's business, a war hero engaged in an honest life with Kay.

Screenwriting Tip: Establish a clear contrast between the protagonist’s starting point and where they will end up.

2. The Call to Adventure

Vito Corleone is shot, and the family is thrown into chaos.

Screenwriting Tip: A hero's journey begins with an external event that forces them to reconsider their path.

3. Refusal of the Call

Michael initially resists involvement, stating, “That’s my family, Kay, not me.”

Screenwriting Tip: A strong character arc is built on initial resistance to change, making the transformation more compelling.

4. Meeting the Mentor

Michael’s mentor is Vito, but also Tom Hagen and Clemenza, who guide him into the world of organized crime.

Screenwriting Tip: A mentor figure should guide the protagonist toward their inevitable transformation.

5. Crossing the Threshold

Michael kills Sollozzo and McCluskey, severing his ties with his former life.

Screenwriting Tip: The protagonist should take an irreversible action that signifies their commitment to the journey.

6. Tests, Allies, and Enemies

Michael hides in Sicily, where he experiences love and loss, reinforcing his transformation.

Screenwriting Tip: Midpoint challenges should reinforce the protagonist's journey and add depth to their development.

7. The Approach to the Inmost Cave

Returning to America, Michael finds the family in disarray and Vito weakened.

Screenwriting Tip: The hero must confront their final resistance before stepping into their new role.

8. The Ordeal

Vito dies, and Michael’s enemies plot against him. The baptism sequence marks his final descent into darkness as he orchestrates the elimination of his rivals.

Screenwriting Tip: A hero’s transformation is complete when they take an action that contradicts their original beliefs.

9. The Reward

Michael secures absolute power, but at the cost of his morality.

Screenwriting Tip: The protagonist should get what they wanted but at an unexpected cost.

10. The Road Back

Kay questions Michael about Carlo’s death, signaling the beginning of his emotional isolation.

Screenwriting Tip: The return to the ordinary world should feel alien, highlighting the protagonist's irreversible change.

11. The Resurrection

Michael lies to Kay, and the office door closes on her, symbolizing the final loss of his humanity.

Screenwriting Tip: The final transformation should be visualized in a way that resonates with the audience.

12. Return with the Elixir

Michael has become the new Godfather, embracing his destiny fully.

Screenwriting Tip: The protagonist should return with newfound power or wisdom, but often at great cost.

Themes and Symbolism

1. Power and Corruption

Michael’s journey illustrates how power corrupts, transforming an idealistic outsider into a ruthless leader.

Screenwriting Tip: Show gradual transformation through key decisions rather than telling the audience.

2. Family vs. Duty

Michael begins by rejecting his family’s ways, only to become the embodiment of its values.

Screenwriting Tip: Build internal conflict within characters to make their journey more compelling.

3. The Cost of Power

Michael loses his soul in the pursuit of securing his family’s power.

Screenwriting Tip: Every protagonist should pay a price for their journey.

4. Religious Symbolism

The baptism scene contrasts Michael’s claim to legitimacy with his ruthless killings.

Screenwriting Tip: Use visual irony to reinforce themes.

Conclusion

Michael Corleone’s journey in The Godfather is a masterclass in storytelling. His transformation from reluctant outsider to ruthless leader is compelling because it follows a structured and inevitable descent. The film’s themes of power, corruption, and sacrifice resonate deeply, making it one of the most iconic character arcs in cinema. Understanding how Michael’s journey aligns with the hero’s journey template can provide valuable insights for screenwriters crafting their own compelling protagonists.

STORY NOTES

I’m a professional, working screenwriter/director/producer.

I have worked with Morgan Freeman (The Shawshank Redemption), Harvey Keitel (Pulp Fiction), Olga Kurylenko (Quantum Of Solace), Matt Doran (The Matrix).

Unlike many other script-doctor services, the notes I provide are in-depth and comprehensive, often running to ten pages, ensuring every aspect of your story is analyzed.

What you get…

Page Read Notes. These are beat specific notes that arise as I read your script. These focus on the minutiae of your story as it unfolds.
General Notes. These focus on all the key aspects of your screenplay, being: Concept, Form, Characters, Dialogue, Hero, Antagonist, Voice, Production, Hero’s Journey, Goal, Stakes, Urgency.
A one hour Zoom call to go over the notes and answer all your questions before you begin your deep dive into your next draft.
Lastly, I offer indefinite email follow up. Feel free to email any questions that arise as you rewrite your screenplay. It’s always great to have an objective sounding board to bounce ideas off.

Email samuelb888@gmail.com to take your story to the next level.

All the very best with your writing journey!

Friday, 31 January 2025

SCREENWRITING TIPS FROM - LEON: THE PROFESSIONAL - MATHILDA'S POV

Summary from Mathilda’s Perspective

Mathilda is a neglected 12-year-old girl living in an abusive household. Her life takes a drastic turn when corrupt DEA agent Stansfield murders her family. She seeks refuge with her neighbor, Léon, a professional hitman. At first, Léon is reluctant to take her in, but he eventually trains her in the ways of an assassin. Through their bond, Mathilda finds a sense of belonging and strength. However, their relationship is doomed by the violent world they inhabit, and Léon ultimately sacrifices himself to ensure Mathilda's survival, leaving her to forge her own future.

Mathilda’s Hero’s Journey

1. Ordinary World

Mathilda lives a bleak and abusive life, neglected by her family and desperate for love.
Screenwriting Tip: Establish the protagonist’s dissatisfaction early to make their transformation impactful.

2. Call to Adventure

Her family is brutally murdered, forcing Mathilda to seek refuge with Léon.
Screenwriting Tip: The Call should present an event that forces the protagonist to act.

3. Refusal of the Call

Léon initially refuses to take her in, and Mathilda struggles with accepting her new reality.
Screenwriting Tip: Resistance to change creates deeper emotional stakes.

4. Meeting the Mentor

Léon becomes Mathilda’s mentor, teaching her survival skills. She, in turn, helps him open up emotionally.
Screenwriting Tip: Mentors can learn as much from their students as they teach.

5. Crossing the Threshold

Mathilda fully commits to her new path, learning how to use weapons and navigate Léon’s world.
Screenwriting Tip: This moment should signify a clear departure from the past.

6. Tests, Allies, and Enemies

Mathilda trains rigorously, but her emotional turmoil and Stansfield’s pursuit create significant obstacles.
Screenwriting Tip: Develop the protagonist through internal and external conflicts.

7. Approach to the Inmost Cave

Mathilda recklessly attempts to take revenge on Stansfield, forcing Léon to intervene.
Screenwriting Tip: The protagonist should confront their greatest personal challenge before the climax.

8. The Ordeal

Mathilda is captured, and Léon launches a daring rescue, culminating in his last stand.
Screenwriting Tip: The Ordeal should test everything the protagonist has learned.

9. Reward (Seizing the Sword)

Léon ensures Mathilda’s escape, passing his strength and wisdom to her.
Screenwriting Tip: The reward should symbolize personal transformation, not just victory.

10. The Road Back

Mathilda, now alone, must decide how to move forward without Léon.
Screenwriting Tip: This stage should reflect the protagonist’s internalization of their journey.

11. Resurrection

Mathilda confronts reality and takes the first steps to reclaim her life, carrying Léon’s lessons with her.
Screenwriting Tip: The climax should leave a lasting impact on the protagonist’s psyche.

12. Return with the Elixir

She plants Léon’s beloved plant, symbolizing rebirth and her newfound resilience.
Screenwriting Tip: The final scene should visually and thematically conclude the character’s arc.

Themes & Symbolism

1. Lost Childhood and Redemption

Mathilda is forced to grow up too fast, but Léon provides her with a sense of love and structure.
Screenwriting Tip: Explore the contrast between innocence and maturity to enrich character depth.

2. Revenge vs. Growth

Mathilda’s initial desire for vengeance shifts toward self-discovery and independence.
Screenwriting Tip: Character motivation should evolve throughout the story.

3. The Plant as a Metaphor

For Mathilda, planting Léon’s plant represents growth, survival, and carrying on his legacy.
Screenwriting Tip: Use symbolism subtly to reinforce character transformation.

4. The Cost of Love

Mathilda and Léon’s bond is powerful, but it comes at a high price.
Screenwriting Tip: Emotional stakes should have real consequences.

Screenwriting Takeaways

A strong protagonist starts with a well-defined internal struggle.
The Call to Adventure should be unavoidable.
Character growth should be reflected in actions, not just dialogue.
The climax should demonstrate true transformation.
Symbolism enhances storytelling without overt exposition.

By following these principles, Léon: The Professional crafts a poignant and emotionally powerful hero’s journey through Mathilda’s eyes.

STORY NOTES

I’m a professional, working screenwriter/director/producer.

I have worked with Morgan Freeman (The Shawshank Redemption), Harvey Keitel (Pulp Fiction), Olga Kurylenko (Quantum Of Solace), Matt Doran (The Matrix).

Unlike many other script-doctor services, the notes I provide are in-depth and comprehensive, often running to ten pages, ensuring every aspect of your story is analyzed.

What you get…

Page Read Notes. These are beat specific notes that arise as I read your script. These focus on the minutiae of your story as it unfolds.
General Notes. These focus on all the key aspects of your screenplay, being: Concept, Form, Characters, Dialogue, Hero, Antagonist, Voice, Production, Hero’s Journey, Goal, Stakes, Urgency.
A one hour Zoom call to go over the notes and answer all your questions before you begin your deep dive into your next draft.
Lastly, I offer indefinite email follow up. Feel free to email any questions that arise as you rewrite your screenplay. It’s always great to have an objective sounding board to bounce ideas off.

Email samuelb888@gmail.com to take your story to the next level.

All the very best with your writing journey!

SCREENWRITING TIPS FROM - LEON: THE PROFESSIONAL - LEON'S POV

Summary from Léon's Perspective

Léon is a solitary hitman living a regimented life in New York City. His world is disrupted when he reluctantly takes in Mathilda, a 12-year-old girl whose family is brutally murdered by corrupt DEA agent Stansfield. Initially resistant, Léon teaches Mathilda the skills of an assassin, and in doing so, he discovers emotions he had long suppressed. Through his relationship with Mathilda, he gains a sense of purpose and love, ultimately sacrificing himself to ensure her survival.

Léon’s Hero’s Journey

1. Ordinary World

Léon lives in isolation, his only joys being milk and tending to his plant. His life is structured and emotionless.
Screenwriting Tip: Establish your protagonist’s world clearly to highlight their internal void.

2. Call to Adventure

Mathilda seeks refuge with Léon after her family’s murder.
Screenwriting Tip: The Call should introduce an external problem that challenges the protagonist’s comfort zone.

3. Refusal of the Call

Léon initially resists helping Mathilda, knowing that emotional attachments can be dangerous in his line of work.
Screenwriting Tip: Conflict between reluctance and duty enhances character depth.

4. Meeting the Mentor

Although reluctant at first, Léon becomes Mathilda’s mentor, training her in the assassin’s craft. In turn, she teaches him about love and human connection.
Screenwriting Tip: A mentor can be an unlikely figure, sometimes even the hero’s student.

5. Crossing the Threshold

Léon officially commits to helping Mathilda by teaching her survival skills and even assisting her in seeking revenge.
Screenwriting Tip: This moment should signify a clear shift from passivity to action.

6. Tests, Allies, and Enemies

Mathilda and Léon form a bond, but Stansfield remains a lurking threat. Léon also must confront his emotions, something he has long avoided.
Screenwriting Tip: Each test should reveal a layer of the hero’s development.

7. Approach to the Inmost Cave

Mathilda’s reckless attempt to kill Stansfield puts them both in mortal danger. Léon must act decisively.
Screenwriting Tip: The protagonist must face their deepest fear before the climax.

8. The Ordeal

Léon fights his way through Stansfield’s ambush, using every skill he possesses to escape and save Mathilda.
Screenwriting Tip: The stakes should be at their highest, requiring ultimate sacrifice.

9. Reward (Seizing the Sword)

Léon ensures Mathilda’s escape, symbolically passing his knowledge and legacy to her.
Screenwriting Tip: The reward should reflect internal growth, not just external victory.

10. The Road Back

Léon attempts to leave with Mathilda but is confronted by Stansfield.
Screenwriting Tip: The return should test whether the hero has truly changed.

11. Resurrection

Léon, fatally wounded, cleverly hands Stansfield a live grenade before dying, ensuring the villain’s demise.
Screenwriting Tip: The climax should force the hero into a final, irreversible transformation.

12. Return with the Elixir

Mathilda plants Léon’s beloved plant in the ground, symbolizing growth and change, carrying his spirit with her.
Screenwriting Tip: The ending should resonate emotionally, closing the character’s arc.

Themes & Symbolism

1. Love vs. Isolation

Léon’s arc revolves around his transition from emotional detachment to forming a deep bond with Mathilda.
Screenwriting Tip: Show internal conflict through small, meaningful actions rather than exposition.

2. Innocence and Corruption

Mathilda represents lost innocence, while Stansfield embodies absolute corruption. Léon serves as the bridge between these worlds.
Screenwriting Tip: Contrast characters through visual and thematic opposition.

3. The Plant as a Metaphor

Léon’s plant represents himself—uprooted, resilient, yet fragile. When Mathilda plants it, she ensures his legacy continues.
Screenwriting Tip: Symbolism should feel organic, not forced.

4. Transformation through Sacrifice

Léon’s ultimate act of love is his sacrifice, proving he has changed.
Screenwriting Tip: True transformation should be demonstrated through action, not dialogue.

Screenwriting Takeaways

Define your protagonist’s emotional void early.
The Call to Adventure should force a tough choice.
Strong character relationships drive the narrative.
Internal change should parallel external conflict.
Use symbolism subtly to reinforce themes.

By following these principles, Léon: The Professional crafts a deeply emotional and thematically rich hero’s journey.

STORY NOTES

I’m a professional, working screenwriter/director/producer.

I have worked with Morgan Freeman (The Shawshank Redemption), Harvey Keitel (Pulp Fiction), Olga Kurylenko (Quantum Of Solace), Matt Doran (The Matrix).

Unlike many other script-doctor services, the notes I provide are in-depth and comprehensive, often running to ten pages, ensuring every aspect of your story is analyzed.

What you get…

Page Read Notes. These are beat specific notes that arise as I read your script. These focus on the minutiae of your story as it unfolds.
General Notes. These focus on all the key aspects of your screenplay, being: Concept, Form, Characters, Dialogue, Hero, Antagonist, Voice, Production, Hero’s Journey, Goal, Stakes, Urgency.
A one hour Zoom call to go over the notes and answer all your questions before you begin your deep dive into your next draft.
Lastly, I offer indefinite email follow up. Feel free to email any questions that arise as you rewrite your screenplay. It’s always great to have an objective sounding board to bounce ideas off.

Email samuelb888@gmail.com to take your story to the next level.

All the very best with your writing journey!

Thursday, 30 January 2025

SCREENWRITING TIPS FROM - STAND BY ME - TEDDY'S POV

STAND BY ME – Analyzed from Teddy Duchamp’s POV

SUMMARY OF THE STORY FROM TEDDY’S PERSPECTIVE

Teddy Duchamp sees himself as a soldier at war—a brave, loyal, and tough kid who stands by his friends no matter what. His father, a World War II veteran with PTSD, once held his ear to a stove in a fit of rage, leaving him partially deaf and with scars he wears like medals. Despite the abuse, Teddy idolizes his father, insisting he’s a "hero."

When Vern tells the group about a missing boy’s body, Teddy joins the adventure eagerly, treating it as a test of courage. Along the journey, he clashes with the others, especially Chris, who challenges Teddy’s dangerous tendencies. At a train bridge, Teddy foolishly tries to dodge an oncoming train instead of moving to safety, reinforcing his need to prove his toughness.

Throughout the trip, Teddy's bravado is repeatedly undercut—by Milo Pressman, who reminds him that his father is in a mental institution, and by the realization that they won’t be returning as "heroes" for finding the body. In the end, Teddy doesn’t change as much as Gordie or Chris; he remains a lost boy desperate to prove his worth.

THE HERO'S JOURNEY THROUGH TEDDY’S POV

1. The Ordinary World

Teddy lives in Castle Rock, Oregon, with his abusive, institutionalized father and an unstable home life. His world is one of posturing toughness, reckless behavior, and loyalty to his friends.

🔹Screenwriting Tip: Establish character flaws early. Teddy’s bravado masks his insecurity. Show the cracks beneath a character’s exterior through dialogue and small actions.

2. The Call to Adventure

Vern overhears his older brother talking about a missing boy’s body. The boys decide to find it, thinking it will make them famous. Teddy sees this as a chance to prove his courage.

🔹Screenwriting Tip: A Hero’s Call should be deeply personal. For Teddy, the journey isn’t just about the body—it’s about proving his toughness, reflecting his father’s war stories.

3. Refusal of the Call

Teddy doesn’t outright refuse the journey, but his need to prove his strength leads to reckless choices. At the train tracks, he stands in defiance, refusing to run. Chris pulls him back, showing how Teddy’s self-destructive tendencies put him in danger.

🔹Screenwriting Tip: A refusal can be psychological. Teddy isn’t afraid of the journey, but he refuses to acknowledge his own pain, making him a tragic figure.

4. Meeting the Mentor

Chris Chambers serves as a mentor figure, despite being the same age. He challenges Teddy’s recklessness, trying to guide him towards self-preservation.

🔹Screenwriting Tip: Mentors don’t always need to be older or wiser—sometimes, they are just a friend who tells the hero the hard truths they refuse to face.

5. Crossing the Threshold

The boys leave Castle Rock and venture into the wilderness. This is their first step into a world with real stakes—trains, bullies, and the existential realization of death.

🔹Screenwriting Tip: The Threshold should symbolize change. Here, it’s both literal (leaving town) and thematic (stepping into a world where childhood illusions die).

6. Tests, Allies, and Enemies

Test: The train bridge scene—Teddy’s recklessness almost gets him killed.
Enemy: Milo Pressman, who calls Teddy’s father a "loony," forcing him to confront painful truths.
Ally: Chris, who stands up for him and defends his worth.

🔹Screenwriting Tip: Conflict should reveal inner struggles. Teddy’s fight with Milo isn’t about insults—it’s about his deep-seated denial regarding his father.

7. Approach to the Inmost Cave

As they get closer to the body, the reality of death sinks in. The boys realize that finding it won’t make them famous—it just makes them confront mortality.

🔹Screenwriting Tip: The "Inmost Cave" moment should strip away illusions. Here, Teddy must face that courage isn’t about dodging trains or idolizing war—it’s about growing up.

8. The Ordeal

The confrontation with Ace Merrill and his gang. When Chris stands up to Ace, it’s a moment of true bravery—not Teddy’s kind of reckless courage, but something deeper.

🔹Screenwriting Tip: The Ordeal should redefine the hero’s beliefs. For Teddy, this moment shows that real strength isn’t posturing—it’s standing for something.

9. The Reward

They find the body, but the journey doesn’t bring glory. Instead, it forces them to grow. Teddy, however, doesn’t change as much as the others—his arc is one of missed lessons, making him tragic.

🔹Screenwriting Tip: Not all characters need full redemption. Teddy’s refusal to change makes him compelling and realistic.

10. The Road Back

They walk home, knowing things won’t be the same. Teddy’s bravado returns, but there’s a sadness beneath it.

🔹Screenwriting Tip: Show, don’t tell. Teddy doesn’t monologue about what he’s learned—his actions (or lack of change) tell us everything.

11. The Resurrection

The group disbands. Gordie reveals that Teddy eventually falls into a troubled life. His need for validation leads him down a difficult path.

🔹Screenwriting Tip: The "Resurrection" isn’t always triumph. Sometimes, it’s a realization that not everyone escapes their past.

12. Return with the Elixir

Gordie, as the storyteller, carries the lessons forward. Teddy, tragically, does not.

🔹Screenwriting Tip: A Hero’s Journey isn’t just for the protagonist—side characters should have their own arcs, even if incomplete.

THEMES AND SYMBOLISM FROM TEDDY’S POV

Death and Maturity – Teddy doesn’t fully confront his fears. His arc is about resisting maturity rather than embracing it.
Illusions of Bravery – Teddy sees war and toughness as heroic, but real bravery is different. His inability to see this traps him.
The Train as Symbolism – Teddy’s train dodge represents his recklessness and refusal to accept reality. The train is both danger and truth barreling toward him.

🔹Screenwriting Tip: Symbolism should be visual and character-driven. The train isn’t just a set piece—it’s an extension of Teddy’s self-destructive arc.

SCREENWRITING LESSONS FROM TEDDY’S STORY

Flawed Characters Are Memorable – Teddy isn’t the "hero," but his contradictions make him fascinating.
Not Every Arc Needs Resolution – Teddy’s inability to change makes his story tragic and real.
Conflict Should Reveal Character – His fight with Milo isn’t about words; it’s about his denial.
Symbolism Should Be Subtle But Powerful – The train scene speaks volumes about Teddy’s psyche without dialogue.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Teddy Duchamp is the tragic heart of Stand by Me. His arc—of bravado masking deep pain—makes him one of the most compelling characters in the film. His journey may not lead to transformation, but it serves as a warning: some wounds, if left unaddressed, don’t heal.

Screenwriting Takeaway: The best stories aren’t just about change—they’re about the human struggle to change.

STORY NOTES

I’m a professional, working screenwriter/director/producer.

I have worked with Morgan Freeman (The Shawshank Redemption), Harvey Keitel (Pulp Fiction), Olga Kurylenko (Quantum Of Solace), Matt Doran (The Matrix).

Unlike many other script-doctor services, the notes I provide are in-depth and comprehensive, often running to ten pages, ensuring every aspect of your story is analyzed.

What you get…

Page Read Notes. These are beat specific notes that arise as I read your script. These focus on the minutiae of your story as it unfolds.
General Notes. These focus on all the key aspects of your screenplay, being: Concept, Form, Characters, Dialogue, Hero, Antagonist, Voice, Production, Hero’s Journey, Goal, Stakes, Urgency.
A one hour Zoom call to go over the notes and answer all your questions before you begin your deep dive into your next draft.
Lastly, I offer indefinite email follow up. Feel free to email any questions that arise as you rewrite your screenplay. It’s always great to have an objective sounding board to bounce ideas off.

Email samuelb888@gmail.com to take your story to the next level.

All the very best with your writing journey!

SCREENWRITING TIPS FROM - STAND BY ME - VERN'S POV

Summary from Vern’s POV

Vern Tessio is the most timid and naïve member of the group, often the target of jokes, yet his discovery of the dead boy’s location sets the entire adventure in motion. Overheard while he’s hiding under the porch searching for a lost penny jar, his brother’s conversation reveals the location of Ray Brower’s body. Vern rushes to tell his friends, hoping this information will elevate his status within the group.

Throughout the journey, Vern serves as the comic relief and the voice of caution. He struggles with physical challenges, fears imaginary dangers, and constantly lags behind. Despite his cowardice, he remains loyal to his friends. By the end, Vern does not undergo a drastic transformation like Gordie, Chris, or Teddy, but he gains a sense of camaraderie and a deeper understanding of friendship. He ultimately fades into an average, settled adulthood—unlike the others, who meet more dramatic fates.

Vern’s Hero’s Journey

1. Ordinary World

Vern is a nervous, chubby kid often ridiculed by his friends. He searches for his buried jar of pennies, a futile attempt at wealth and security.

Screenwriting Tip: Establish character flaws and motivations early. Vern’s obsession with small gains (pennies) foreshadows his desire for recognition among his friends.

2. Call to Adventure

Vern overhears his brother discussing Ray Brower’s dead body and realizes he has valuable information.

Screenwriting Tip: Have secondary characters inadvertently spark the protagonist’s journey. Vern’s moment under the porch is both comedic and pivotal.

3. Refusal of the Call

Vern’s initial reluctance isn’t as pronounced as the others’, but his fear and hesitation mark him as the least willing participant.

Screenwriting Tip: Even minor characters should express doubt or reluctance, reinforcing realism in their motivations.

4. Meeting the Mentor

Though the group lacks a traditional mentor, Chris Chambers fills this role, guiding them with maturity and wisdom.

Screenwriting Tip: A mentor figure doesn’t have to be a wise old sage—peer mentors can be just as effective.

5. Crossing the Threshold

Vern embarks on the journey despite his fears, symbolized by their walk along the train tracks.

Screenwriting Tip: The threshold moment should visually or symbolically represent stepping into the unknown.

6. Tests, Allies, and Enemies

Vern faces multiple challenges: the junkyard dog, the train on the trestle, and Ace’s gang. He is often the most visibly frightened.

Screenwriting Tip: A “weaker” character enhances the stakes by reacting with extreme emotion, contrasting braver protagonists.

7. Approach to the Inmost Cave

As they get closer to the body, the tension rises. Vern contemplates backing out but ultimately sticks with the group.

Screenwriting Tip: Even side characters should have moments of doubt before the climax.

8. The Ordeal

The confrontation with Ace Merrill and his gang is the climactic moment. Vern hides, reaffirming his cowardly nature, but he remains loyal to his friends.

Screenwriting Tip: Not all characters need to change drastically. Some can stay true to their nature for realism.

9. The Reward

They find Ray Brower’s body. The reward is not tangible, but the journey’s emotional impact strengthens their bond.

Screenwriting Tip: Emotional payoffs often matter more than physical rewards.

10. The Road Back

The boys return to town, forever changed. Vern fades into normalcy, embodying the idea that not all adventures lead to grandeur.

Screenwriting Tip: Not all characters require a dramatic ending—some just return to normalcy, reinforcing realism.

11. Resurrection

Vern doesn’t undergo a heroic transformation. However, he gains self-awareness about his role in the group.

Screenwriting Tip: Not all characters need to be heroes. Some exist to contrast others' growth.

12. Return with the Elixir

Vern grows up to live a conventional life, unlike Chris, Teddy, or Gordie.

Screenwriting Tip: Provide epilogues for all key characters to give the story a sense of closure.

Themes and Symbolism in Relation to Vern

1. The Inevitability of Growing Up

Vern represents those who don’t undergo dramatic change but still experience the weight of growing up.

Screenwriting Tip: Use contrast between characters to reinforce a story’s themes.

2. Fear and Courage

Vern’s constant fear highlights the bravery of others. He reminds us that not everyone is cut out for adventure.

Screenwriting Tip: Side characters can enhance the hero’s arc by serving as emotional foils.

3. Friendship and Loyalty

Despite his fear, Vern never abandons his friends.

Screenwriting Tip: Even comic relief characters should display depth and meaningful traits.

4. The Train Tracks as a Symbol of Destiny

The tracks symbolize the boys' journey toward maturity. Vern, who hesitates the most, represents resistance to change.

Screenwriting Tip: Symbolism should be reinforced through character interactions.

5. The Penny Jar as a Metaphor for Small Dreams

Vern's obsession with his lost pennies reflects his short-sightedness and small ambitions.

Screenwriting Tip: Introduce small but telling character details early—they help define personality and motivations.

Final Thoughts: What We Learn from Vern Tessio in Stand by Me

Vern is essential because he represents the everyman—the kid who never quite rises to heroism but still has value. He reminds us that fear doesn’t negate friendship and that not all stories end in transformation. Screenwriters can learn from Vern’s character by crafting minor roles with depth, using them to contrast and enhance the protagonist’s journey, and ensuring every character serves a purpose in the narrative. Through humor, fear, and loyalty, Vern remains a vital part of Stand by Me’s emotional core.

STORY NOTES

I’m a professional, working screenwriter/director/producer.

I have worked with Morgan Freeman (The Shawshank Redemption), Harvey Keitel (Pulp Fiction), Olga Kurylenko (Quantum Of Solace), Matt Doran (The Matrix).

Unlike many other script-doctor services, the notes I provide are in-depth and comprehensive, often running to ten pages, ensuring every aspect of your story is analyzed.

What you get…

Page Read Notes. These are beat specific notes that arise as I read your script. These focus on the minutiae of your story as it unfolds.
General Notes. These focus on all the key aspects of your screenplay, being: Concept, Form, Characters, Dialogue, Hero, Antagonist, Voice, Production, Hero’s Journey, Goal, Stakes, Urgency.
A one hour Zoom call to go over the notes and answer all your questions before you begin your deep dive into your next draft.
Lastly, I offer indefinite email follow up. Feel free to email any questions that arise as you rewrite your screenplay. It’s always great to have an objective sounding board to bounce ideas off.

Email samuelb888@gmail.com to take your story to the next level.

All the very best with your writing journey!