What an interesting script this was. I don't think I've ever read a script that did so much so right and so wrong all at once.
This script came in at #9 on the 2018 blacklist.
STORY SUMMARY
Chris Wylie is the creator of a 'psychographic' coding software that analyses facebook likes and purports to know more about your habits than you do.
In the UK he's hired by a nefarious company with no moral compass. He ends up harvesting data from FaceBook and using this information to specifically target the users and change their opinions.
At first, Chris is happy that his software is being used and that it's working - really well.
Using the algorithm he has created, the company Cambridge Analytica, are able to influence FaceBook users and the way they think, act, consume and most importantly vote.
Chris soon realizes that his software is being used for horrible purposes. Elections in Kenya are being swayed and won by campaigns of 'misinformation.'.
His software is used with great success in the 2014 US election midterms. And also in 2016 to elect president Trump.
Chris finally takes a stand and goes to the Guardian and New York Times with his story. That FaceBook allowed third-party App developers to harvest their users' information and use it to make huge sums of money and sway elections across the planet.
CONCEPT
This concept is a strange one. While it is a very important story - highlighting corruption in elections across the world and just how amoral FaceBook is - it is very rare that a politically motivated film ever does well at the box office.
Imagine someone saying, 'what's Analytica about?' and the reply being, 'A guy who created software code that mined FB data and used it micro-target people and sway elections.'
How many people do you think would want to go and see that movie?
Not many.
Which is really sad.
This story is literally about the misuse of private information to sway elections. It's the sort of shit the Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels would have given his right arm to use.
It's fucked up and that's putting it politely. That this is legal goes to show just how corrupt politics are around the world. In particular in America.
The problem with this concept is it just wouldn't get bums in seats. It wouldn't sell tickets.
CONCEPT RATING 2/10 or 8/10
2/10 for selling tickets - 8/10 for being a very noble story, well worth telling.
CONCEPT TIP
If you are writing a story that will be a hard sell, something that is important yet isn't an instant ticket seller - then you have to make sure your execution of the story is exceptional.
Unfortunately - the execution of this story is weak.
Let's look at why...
VOICEOVER
Voice over is fine. I love a good voice over - but moderation is the key. There is so much voiceover in this script that it felt more like a monologue than a screenplay. A vast majority of the screenplay is Chris telling us what happened by voice over.
Movies are engaging when things are HAPPENING - that way you are SHOWING your story.
When you have a character narrate the story it becomes less a movie and more an audiobook with moving pictures.
VOICEOVER TIP
Excessive use of voice over is cheating. Sometimes you have a convoluted story point that is difficult to show and much easier to just say. Sometimes that is fine. Sometimes it's a crutch, but sometimes using a crutch is fine.
Sometimes...
When your script is 30% voice over, you know you're overusing the device.
STRUCTURE/FLAW
Structure is another huge problem for this script. It's literally a beat for beat recount of Chris' life until he whistle-blows on the company he helped create.
Chris doesn't really have a flaw.
Flaw is key to structure. Without a flaw to overcome, your hero is only facing external elements. Without a flaw, you only have half a story.
Some might argue that his flaw is that Chris is egotistical - that he creates this software even though he knows it will likely be used for nefarious purposes. But I'd say that egotism isn't a flaw here as it doesn't hold him back from achieving what he wants to achieve.
STRUCTURE/FLAW RATING 6/10
I give structure a 6 as the story does move along, there are things happening - it's just that there is no flaw. No inner journey.
STRUCTURE/FLAW TIP
How to identify your hero's flaw.
Identify what they want most in the world.
Now identify their personality trait that is stopping them from achieving their ultimate goal?
That is your flaw.
CHARACTERS & DIALOGUE
All this script's characters were exceptional.
Same with dialogue. The dialogue and characters here I can't fault. Except to say perhaps that there is a little too much dialogue. This script could handle a 15% trim and you would have a much tighter script telling exactly the same story.
CHARACTERS & DIALOGUE RATING 9/10
CHARACTERS & DIALOGUE TIP
Have your character say what they're thinking.
In life, you are constantly in situations where you think something but you don't say it for fear of being inappropriate.
When you have a character say what they're thinking you end up with some really exciting moments.
Why?
People love honesty.
Honesty trumps all else.
When we hear someone say it how it really is we have huge amounts of respect for them for not sugar coating it.
It works the same in screenplays.
When you have a character say something you wouldn't expect to hear then you have an interesting piece of dialogue.
When a character says what you would expect them to say in a given situation - that gets boring quickly.
Always try to surprise your reader. A great way to do this is by having your hero speak their mind. No matter how awkward that may be.
EMPATHY
There's not a huge amount of active positive empathy for Chris in this script.
There's a lot of passive positive empathy - which is where we feel sorry for him because bad stuff happens to him.
Passive positive empathy only goes so far.
What really connects an audience with your movie is when your hero goes out of their way to do good things for other people.
That is the very best way to make your hero and consequently your film likable.
EMPATHY RATING 6/10
EMPATHY TIP
Make me like your hero BEFORE you show me their flaw. If I already like someone I'm far more inclined to forgive them their flaw. If the first thing you show me about a character is their flaw, then you've got an uphill battle to get me to like them.
SUMMARY
This is a story that deserves to be told. Unlike many stories out there the premise here affects everyone alive today.
That's not hyperbole either. American elections are rigged. That's been proven in a court of law. The DNC - Democratic National Committee - confessed in court that they can choose who they want to represent them regardless of who voted in the primaries.
The American voting system - known as the electoral college - has twice elected a president who got the least amount of votes.
That is not a democratic system.
This story needs to be told, but in its current form, it will not reach a very wide audience or make money.
It needs to trim down the use of voice over. Add empathy - add a flaw, and create more of a sense of urgency and raise the stakes.
While it is implied that Chris' life is in danger if he goes to the press, we never really get to see that danger.
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