SCREENWRITING FUNDAMENTALS #15 HOW TO WRITE DESCRIPTION

This is a really important aspect of screenwriting that is far too often overlooked. 

How do you write the description of a scene?

The very first thing to remember is that you're writing word pictures.

You must only describe what can be seen. 

This is TAKEAWAY #1 for you today.

Go to your script, go through your descriptions in each scene and go line by line.

Highlight any description that CAN be SEEN on the screen.

Highlight anything that CANNOT be seen on the screen.

Now, go through and re-write all the things that cannot be seen on the screen in a way that can be seen.

Example...

You might have written, 'Michelle is unhappy with the way John spoke to her.'

There's no way for the audience to SEE that sentence on the screen. So, essentially, that's a wasted sentence.

Now think how you could visualize that...

‘John's comment causes Michelle to squeeze the glass she's holding so much that it cracks.’

That's an action that we can see on screen. 

OKAY...

Now that you've gone through your script and identified all the non-image moments and changed them to something that can be SEEN on-screen, now you need to look at how to focus attention in a scene.

How do you let the director know where you want the focus to be in your scene?

This is where amateurs write camera directions such as - 'The camera follows Michelle's hand as she grabs the knife."

It's superfluous to write 'The camera follows...' - just write what it is that you want the camera to focus on...

'Michelle grabs the knife.' - is fine - but it doesn't imply a close up on the hand grabbing the knife. 

To bring the focus onto Michelle's hand, try something like this...

A sickle-shaped scar on the back of Michelle's hand stretches as she grips the knife tightly.

Here, we have to be close enough to see the scar on the back of Michelle's hand.

BUT, here's the thing... you should only be directing a close-up if it's important to telling the story.

If there's no reason to show a close-up on Michelle's hand clutching the knife, then don't do it.

What you need to do is identify the IMPORTANT ACTIONS in each scene.

Once you have done that - then you need to write your descriptions so they serve to describe these actions. 

That's TAKEAWAY #2 today... 

Go through each scene in the script you're working on and look at the actions you currently have. 

Now go through and start removing some of the actions. 

If you can remove an action and the scene still makes absolute-perfect sense - then odds are you don't need that action and you can delete it. 

The most common mistake I see amateurs make when writing description is to start wide THEN find the focus of their scene.

Example...

Say you have an outdoor scene.

The focus on your scene is one person palming a small note to someone else. 

The wrong way to describe the scene is to start out wide and describe the area where the moment takes place. I.e...

"The neon lights illuminate Times Square. Hundreds of people gather to bring in the new year.  It's a medley of chaos, people singing, shouting, arguing, kissing. 

Among the mess, Mike palms a small note to John. The exchange goes unnoticed."

In this example, we started by describing a wide-shot of the environment. 

We have then come into the focus of the scene - the palming of a note. 

I would recommend you write this scene in reverse order. 

Start with the note being passed off to John, THEN describe the environment. 

WHY do it this way?

If you start with the focus of your scene and work your way out, it anchors your scene. 

We know immediately what it is that we're focusing on in the scene.

If you do it the other way - start wide, describe the setting, then come into the focus of the scene, there's a moment where the audience isn't sure what they're being asked to focus on. 

When this happens there's a moment of disconnect between the film and the audience.

Remember that it's your job to engage your viewer from the first line and to keep them locked to your story until the end. 

The best way to do this is to not allow them a moment where they can wander off, mentally speaking. 

If you write a scene by zeroing in on the focus on the scene from the first word, then your audience will be engaged from the get-go. There'll be no moment for their minds to wander. 

THE TAKEAWAY #3

Go to the script you're working on now and go through scene by scene.

Identify the MAJOR ACTION taking place in each scene.

Start by describing that action first. 

Once that is done, THEN write the rest of the scene. 

You'll find that the scene is anchored better, there'll be less ambiguity and your reader/audience will know exactly what the focus of each scene is.  

SCREENWRITING FUNDAMENTALS #14 STRUCTURE BEFORE YOU WRITE

The importance of structuring your screenplay before you dive in and write it is far too often overlooked.

You have a general idea of what your film will be about, you have a killer opening scene, so you think, to hell with structuring - let's start writing. 

Why do yourself this incredible disservice? 

Think about ANY other profession. 

Say, building a car. 

You know you want to end up with a car and you've got a killer idea for some new wheels. 

So, what the hell, let's start by building the car from the ground up.

You build the wheels.

Awesome, they work really well.

Now, what?

Well, you need something to attach the wheels to so you create that.

But what happens after that?

I don't know, but I'll figure it out when I get there.

Can't be that hard, can it?

Yes, it obviously can.

Writing a screenplay and building a car are nothing alike - that's a stupid analogy.

Wrong.

I'm illustrating the importance of PLANNING.

If you have a BLUEPRINT for exactly how every part of your car will come together, the creation stage (writing) will be all the more easier. 

Ok then, so how do I structure a script?

This is where a solid knowledge of the Hero's Journey comes into play. 

When I've finished writing the Fundamentals Of Screenwriting - (I have about 50 posts outlined) - then I'm going to write the Fundamentals Of Story. 

This will cover the Hero's Journey.

But to get you started - here's a really rough outline for your film. 
...

The Ordinary World. 0% - 25% of your script.

Here you establish your Main Character (MC). 

Within these pages, setup what the MC’s flaw is. 

Setup the SHADOW - the opposing force in the story.

Setup the MC's goal.

Before page 15 you need to have an inciting incident. (II)

The II is an event that forces the MC to face their FLAW.

The MC's first response will be to try to ignore the II. 

This is called the REFUSAL.

The MC is stuck in their ways. They don't want to CHANGE.

So they will do their best to ignore it. 

Then the CATALYST will occur. 

This is like a second II. This is an event that FORCES the MC to go on the journey.

A MAJOR goal is established.  

The MC sets out to achieve this goal.

When the MC accepts the journey - that is the end of the first act. 

This should occur around the 25% mark of your film.

We then have ACT 2

That breaks into two parts. 

Act 2 part 1 - 25% - 50%

The MC tries to achieve the goal, but because of their FLAW they make the wrong decisions, which leads them into more trouble. 

This leads up to... 

THE MID POINT - 50%

Here the MC changes their approach to the major goal.

OR the major goal changes.

The MC realises they were chasing the wrong goal. 


Act 2 part 2 - 50% - 75%

Though the MC is now going about things in the right way, it's a matter of Too Little Too Late. 

The MC spirals out of control and this leads to...

THE LOWEST POINT - roughly 65%

Here, all hope seems lost. 

The MC (or someone close to them) is sure to die.

The MC reflects and confesses.

They realize that had they not been flawed they would never have ended up in this dire situation.

Because of this confession, the MC is rewarded in some way. 

They suddenly realize that all is not lost. There is still hope.

By using all their cunning and everything they've learned on their journey, they manage to overcome the impossible. 

They escape from this certain death - reborn. 

They are now ready to achieve the major goal - which is most often defeating the SHADOW.


ACT THREE 75% - 97%

Now the MC is no longer flawed - they are able to achieve the major goal. 

DENOUMONT 97% - 100%

We find the MC back in their ordinary world.

Their flaw is tested, but now they are no longer flawed their response to the test is positive. 

…

That is an incredibly simplistic distillation of The Hero's Journey. 

But being that the HJ is quite complicated - it's good to have a concise version to keep in mind when tackling the structure of your script.

REMEMBER...

The HJ is only a guide.

There is no guaranteed formula to a successful script.

The HJ is the closest match to the majority of successful films. 

Use it as a base to your script and build upon it. 

Create your own uniqueness.

SCREENWRITING FUNDAMENTALS #13 DRAMA IS CONFLICT

Today's post is something that every screenwriter - both amateur and 'professional' must understand. 

After reading this post - go and ask your screenwriting friends what DRAMA is?

You'll be amazed at the responses you get. 

Simply put, drama is conflict. 

Take Star Wars ep 4 - this is without question the single most successful Sci-Fi film ever made. There is no scene in that film that is without conflict. 

Can you imagine if Hans and Leah got along just fine? Or if Darth Vader and Luke had no issues to resolve? 

The Titanic - conflict of social status. Can you imagine that film if Leo had been an aristocrat? There'd be no conflict - there'd be no hurdle to overcome - there'd be no drama.

But wait, they still crashed into the iceberg - thousands died - isn't that drama?

Nope.

It's spectacle. 

What made The Titanic so successful was the HUMAN story. 

The love story between Kate and Leo. The only reason that story resonated with us was because of the conflict. 

If their love had been easy and without obstacles we wouldn't have cared about it so much. 

The spectacle of seeing the ship go down only resonated with audiences as it was another obstacle for their love to succeed. 

If there was no human story - then the ship going down is simply spectacle. 

At the core of every successful film is conflict. 

This holds true on the scene level. 

The 'secret' to writing a successful scene is to ensure that there is conflict.

If you write a scene where a wife comes home to her husband from her long day at work and he has dinner ready, the kid’s homework is underway, he's cleaned the house, has done the laundry ready for her big meeting the next day and they spend the entire scene saying how much they love each other, the audience is going to be as bored as hell. 

Take this same scene and inject conflict. 

The wife comes home early to find her husband on an online dating website. 

Or...

The wife comes home and her husband is passed out drunk on the sofa. 

The latter two options create drama (conflict).

The first example is just boring as hell. 

Here's the simple takeaway for you...

Go to the script you're working on at the moment.

Look at EVERY scene - scene by scene. 

Find the scenes where there is NO conflict. 

Re-write that scene with conflict. 

The conflict you inject into each scene doesn't have to be heavy-handed - it can be a simple disagreement. 

But you'll find that even a simple disagreement between characters will read far better than a scene where everyone gets along just dandy.

The most common place that I see scenes without conflict are in the opening 10 pages. 

Writers seem to think that a slow-burn opening to their film is fine.

'Just wait, it gets really good later.' - I've heard writers say that in defense of their conflict-free openings. 

It's your job as the writer to engage your audience from page one and never give them a chance to tune out. 

A sure-fire way of maintaining your reader's attention is to inject conflict in every scene. 

SCREENWRITING FUNDAMENTALS #12 START LATE - FINISH EARLY

This is a mistake that pops up time and time again.

I've written about START LATE, FINISH EARLY before, it's something that seems to rear its ugly head far too often, so here's a post just focusing on the concept of START LATE, FINISH EARLY.

Let's start with the basics - what does it mean?

Simply put it means cut the fat. 

OR

START your scene as late as possible, then FINISH the scene as soon as you can.

Why is this important?

The human attention span grows ever shorter as time moves on.

If you watch films from the 60's and 70's, you'll find a lot of scenes where a character would finish work, drive home, park the car, then walk into the house, say hi to the family, then the phone would ring bringing bad news. 

It’s plain to see from this given scenario that the only important story beat is the phone call that brings bad news.

It is the only beat that MOVES THE STORY FORWARD.

Everything else prior to that was expositional, meaning it simply showed us the environment where our character worked and lived, but nothing occurred to move the narrative (story) forward.

There was no progression or development of story until the phone rang with bad news.

Contemporary society grows bored easily. The vast majority of people have grown up with ready access to multitudes of viewing alternatives. 

If you shot a sequence such as the above and showed it to contemporary viewers they'd grow bored very quickly. If you had three or four scenes like that in a row, they'd very soon watch something else.

As a viewer, I want to be hooked IMMEDIATELY and never given a chance to get bored.

That's another common mistake I see in amateur screenplays - the script will start with a powerful opening scene that really hooks me, then the writer seems to feel that they've done their job and they have license to take their time writing the following scenes.

Nope.

Not gonna cut it.

You need to grab your viewer in the opening scene then continue to move the story forward with every scene.

I've talked about SCENES OF DEATH before.

SOD are where nothing in that scene moves the story forward. 

It's the surest way to lose your audience.

Think about your own viewing experiences.

How often have you been watching something that began promising then started to wander, lose focus, and you found yourself soon bored with it?

I imagine the answer is far too often. 

OK...

So how to avoid writing SOD.

The simplest way to approach this is to UNDERSTAND YOUR STORY.

A lot of writers don't really understand where their story is going. 

They seem to think that so long as they're filling the page with text then they're doing their job.

WRONG.

Your job as a writer is to KNOW your story and KNOW where it’s going.

Go to the screenplay you're currently working on.

Break it down into scenes. 

Here's an important principle... 

Each scene should be no more than 3 pages long.

There is no minimum length. 

If you can convey a story beat in one tenth of a page - DO IT! 

A handful of 5-page scenes are ok – but really – try to keep all scenes to no more than 3 pages long.

If you have any scenes in your present script that run longer than 5 pages - you really need to trim them. 

Here's a test for you...

Go and grab one of those 5-page scenes. 

Write down the STORY BEAT that's occurring in that scene.

Write down WHY that scene is IMPERATIVE to have in your script.

Once you KNOW WHY the scene is in your script, think about how you could execute that story point as quick as you can.

Identify what the MEAT of your scene is and what the FAT is.

TRIM THE FAT.

It doesn't matter how great that piece of dialogue is, or how fun that moment is if it doesn't directly relate to conveying your scene's story beat...

...CUT IT.

It is FAR better to have 30 3-page scenes in a 90-page script, than 18 5-page scenes.

You will have 30 major beats as appose to 18 major beats.

Think about POP music. 

Most songs are three minutes long.  

When a song goes on for 5 minutes we start to get bored. 

Then when a song goes on for 8 minutes we're really bored.

(Of course there are exceptions to this - but what we're trying to do is look at GENERALLY what works and what doesn't. Most people are happy to listen to pop songs for 3 minutes. Most people grow bored of most pop songs after the 3-minute mark.)

THE BABADOOK is a great example of a story that keeps moving forward at a fast pace. 

The majority of scenes in that film are only 1-2 minutes long. Many of the scenes are only 30 seconds long. 

Remember that 1 page of your script equals 1 minute of screen time. 

The Babadook cost $2m to make and did $10m in cinemas - on top of that it's safe to say it's made another $5m from DVD and VOD. 

Regardless of if you liked The Badabook or not, it's a huge financial success. One of the major factors that led to this is that it continually moves the story forward.

HOW TO KEEP THE PACE?

Ask a question - don't answer it.

Humans are notoriously curious. 

You will keep your audience engaged if you pose a new question in each scene that goes UNANSWERED until a later scene.

Go to your script and look at how you reveal information. 

Find scenes where a question is asked and answered in the same scene.

Remove the answer from that scene. 

Now go to a later scene and transplant the answer.

It could be the very next scene, or it could be 10 scenes later. 

What you've done is create INTRIGUE, which is a very powerful storytelling technique. 

GOALS...

Humans love goals.

Goals drive our day to day lives.

When we see a character with a goal, we'll stay engaged with the story until the goal is achieved. 

When the goal is achieved, if there isn't a new goal established quickly, the audience will grow bored.

But here's the thing - there are very different types of goals. 

Find the remote control and turn on the TV - is a goal.

But we don't really care about that goal unless there are STAKES attached to the goal.

Make sure that every goal has some sort of baring on the character's life. 

The goal of turning on a tap to get a glass of water doesn't really mean much - UNLESS your character has spent the last 4 days in the desert and is dying of dehydration. 

URGENCY is the final story engine that will help you keep your story moving forward. 

If the goal can be achieved in 12 months we're not going to care about it as much as a goal that must be achieved in 2 minutes. 

But really... 

All these tips come back to the main title of today's post...

START EARLY, FINISH LATE.

THE TAKEAWAY...

KNOW YOUR STORY.

Find the core of each scene. 

Trim down each scene until you're only conveying your story beat in that scene.

Try to keep every scene to 3 pages or less.

Allow yourself a few 5 pages scenes, but only a few, and make sure they’re long for a reason – not just because you’ve got some fancy dialogue or a fun beat. 

Remember the four major story engines...

GOALS

STAKES

URGENCY

MYSTERY.

SCREENWRITING FUNDAMENTALS #11 SHOW CHARACTER - DON'T TELL

A simple one today - but for some reason, it's an area that many writers fail at... 

We've all heard the maxim - Show Don't Tell.

But what does it really mean?

Telling is when the writer plainly states what the actor's emotions are.

Michelle feels sad.

John is happy. 

It's the simplest way of conveying an emotion on the page. 

The problem with this kind of writing is that the audience will be watching your film on a screen. They don't have access to the screenplay. 

But my actor will know how to show the emotion - the audience can tell from that.

Maybe.

Odds are the actor will go with a rote performance - they'll change their performance to try and reflect the emotion that's being asked of them.

This CAN work - but you run the risk of phony emotions. 

Emotions are best conveyed through context. 

You put a character in a terrifying position - say - trapped in their car teetering on the edge of a bridge, over a 300-foot-deep canyon - and you'll find that writing - John is really scared - is completely moot. 

We know just how John is feeling because of the context of the situation. 

Your first step is to setup the emotion through context. 

The audience should KNOW intrinsically how the character is feeling simply by the scenario of events that surround them. 

But what if my character's emotion is different to the expected emotion?

Great question.

We deal with this by SHOWING the REACTION to that scenario. 

This is where we get into SHOWING rather than TELLING.

Let's take that car teetering on the edge of a bridge about to plummet to the bottom of a canyon.

You've setup your context.

The expected emotion is TERRIFIED. 

But terrified is a broad canvas. What kind of terrified is your character going to be?

1) Terrified - panicked.
2) Terrified - together.

Let's look at how to SHOW these two different versions of the same emotion...

1) Terrified - panicked.

Rather than write - John is terrified and panicked... 

You would show John get out of his seat belt in a rush, try to open the door - but it's locked - he crawls to the back of the car quickly and kicks desperately at the rear window until it shatters then he dives out. 


2) Terrified - composed.

Rather than write - John is terrified but composed...

Try... John takes a second to breathe - think - how best to deal with this situation. He slowly releases his seat-belt - wary of his every move. He gently tries the door, won't open. He carefully climbs into the back seat, moving like a sloth so as to not upset the equilibrium of the car...

Of course - it doesn't have to be that your character is a variation of the expected emotion.

Their emotion could be the opposite...

3) Ambivalent.

Michelle looks at the canyon below, strangely fascinated by just how close to death she is.  She lights a cigarette, grabs her cell phone and dials a friend... 'Hey buddy, you won't believe where I am and what just happened...'

Ultimately it's up to you, the writer, to decide what emotion you want to convey, then when you've decided on that - express that emotion through the REACTION your character has to the CONTEXT of the SCENARIO you have setup.

THE TAKEAWAY

Go to the script you're working on at the moment. 

Go scene by scene.

Write down what the context of each scene is. 
Then write down the broad emotion that would be expected of that scenario.
Now decide - is my character going to react in an expected way or unexpected?

EXPECTED - which type of that expected emotion will it be?

HAPPY - What kind of happy?
SAD - What kind of sad?
ANGRY - What kind of angry?

Etc...

Now SHOW that emotion through your character's reaction to the scenario in the scene.

OR...

If you're not going with the expected emotion...

Decide on the UNEXPECTED emotion you want your character to express, then...

...SHOW that emotion through your character's reaction to the scenario in the scene.