I do a lot of coverage of screenplays these days. I see a lot of common mistakes.
The following are a series of concise screenwriting tips.
#7 STRUCTURING A SCENE & CLEAN WRITING
One of the most common tells that differentiates an amateur script from a professional one is how well it is written.
The cleaner the sentences, the clearer the storytelling, the easier the read.
Writing well is not as hard as some think it is.
Before you start writing - stop and think about what each scene is trying to convey.
Ask yourself, WHY am I writing this scene?
If you don't have a really good reason why the scene exists, then cut the scene.
Only start writing the scene when you know what its core is, what the story-beat is that you're trying to convey.
As a reader, you can easily tell if a scene has been thought through before it was written, or if it evolved on the page.
When you know what your scene is about - don't start writing it in detailed form, do a rough structure for the scene.
Example...
SCENE OBJECTIVE: Convey that SUSAN is a strong character, that she thrives in the boys'-club of high-business.
Start the scene with ALEC (Susan's co-worker) taking control in a business meeting with Chinese clients. He marginalizes her.
Alec's brash ways end insult the Chinese businessmen.
They threaten to walk out on the important meeting.
Susan steps up and saves the business deal by offering to have Alec removed from her team within 12 hours.
The Chinese men are impressed with Susan and agree to wait 12 hours to re-open negotiations without Alec.
Alec is furious that Susan would make such a deal.
SCENE ENDS
Follow on goal - Susan now has 12 hours to convince her boss that cutting Alec from the negotiation team is the only way to save the deal with the Chinese businessmen.
Now I have a basic structure for my scene I begin writing.
Don't write the description in detail yet.
Just put holders for starters.
EXAMPLE.
Assuming this is the first scene in my script my description structure will look like this.
INT. SAATCHI HEADQUARTERS - BOARDROOM - DAY
(My POV character for the scene is Susan, so I start by describing her first.)
Description:
Describe Susan. Describe Alec & other Chinese businessmen. Describe setting.
(I want to start hard - I don't want to start the scene with polite greetings.)
Dialogue:
Start on Susan answering a question (unheard) from the Chinese businessmen.
Halfway through Susan's answer, Alec interrupts her.
Alec takes over the conversation.
Description:
SHOW Susan's irritation with Alec.
(Remember, it's important to show Susan being annoyed, don't just write - Susan is annoyed with Alec.)
Dialogue:
The Chinese businessmen try to renegotiate the price of the deal - a figure that's already been settled upon.
Alec isn't having any of this. He's angry with the Chinese businessmen for going back to a point they've already settled on.
Alec manages to insult the Chinese businessmen.
Description: The Chinese Businessmen pack up to walk out of the meeting. The deal is over.
Dialogue:
Susan makes her offer, if they'll continue to negotiate the deal, Susan will have Alec cut from the negotiation table.
Description:
Show Alec's response to this.
Dialogue:
The Chinese Businessmen confer, then agree. She has 12 hours to have her boss contact their boss with confirmation that Alec is cut from the negotiating table.
Description:
Finish on Susan.
END SCENE.
There, I have my scene structured.
The next step is to go through and write in the dialogue.
When I'm happy with the way the dialogue is flowing, I then go back and write in the descriptions.
I only write description that covers what is NOT conveyed through the dialogue.
Write your descriptions in short sentences, and keep them to the point.
Here's another quick tip for cleaning up your writing.
The single most common writing mistake I see is...
John is running on the beach.
Michelle is drying her hair.
Lucy is swimming in the pool.
Every time I see a sentence written like these I know I'm dealing with an amateur writer.
Where possible try not to use ING words.
John runs on the beach.
Michele dries her hair.
Lucy swims in the pool.
That's how each of those sentences should be written.
THE TAKEAWAY #1
Go to the script you're working on at the moment and do an ING pass.
Go through and look at every sentence that uses ING and see if you can write it cleaner without the ING word.
It's not always possible - there are many occasions you will need the ING word. In which case, leave it.
But where you have sentences that are similar to the above examples - please - do yourself a favor - re-write them.
THE TAKEAWAY #2
Remember that DRAMA IS CONFLICT.
If there is no conflict in your scene, your scene will fall flat.
Go through the script you're working on at the moment and isolate each and every scene.
If there is NO CONFLICT in that scene, either cut it or re-write it so there is conflict.
You can decide the degree of the conflict - it doesn't have to be that every scene is two arch-rivals going head-to-head.
It can be two best friends having a minor disagreement about something benign, but there needs to be a degree of conflict or your scene - no matter how well written it is - will be dull and lifeless.
I do a lot of coverage of screenplays these days. I see a lot of common mistakes.
The following are a series of concise screenwriting tips.
#6 SLUGLINES
Quite a simple post today - but an area that evidently needs to be addressed as I see far too many amateur screen-writers getting these wrong.
The SLUGLINE is a simplified format for letting producers know the location of the scene.
The simplified formatting looks like this...
INT./EXT. MAJOR LOCATION - MINOR LOCATION - DAY/NIGHT
Here're some examples.
INT. JOHN'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
EXT. FOREST - STREAM - DAY
You get the idea.
INT. stands for interior. EXT. stands for exterior.
MAJOR LOCATION lets us know the general area, while the MINOR LOCATION gives us a more specific understanding of the immediate environs of the scene.
You don't have to have a major location and a minor location.
If, say, you have a character walking through the woods - it would be sufficient to write
EXT. WOODS - DAY
The purpose of the slug-line is to paint the scene in the most concise way possible.
But you don't want to be too concise with your slug-line.
For example - I often see INT. HOUSE - NIGHT
This slug-line lacks some necessary detail.
Whose house is it, and what part of the house are we in?
When your slug-line lacks detail, the reader goes into the scene searching for clues as to where the location is.
Until your reader KNOWS where the scene is set, they are unable to visualize the scene properly.
A good script consists of word pictures.
Everything you write should be visual. The easier it is to visualize the environment, characters, and the events that take place, the better your script will read.
Some scripts I come away from with a very clear sense of the world the writer intended to create.
Other scripts I come away from and it's like trying to remember a dream from a year ago. You can recall vague notions of what it was about, and sure you might recall an emotion - but all-in-all it's broken and dis-jointed.
The takeaway? - Be specific with your slug-lines - they set up the scene for the reader.
The clearer the setting - the less time the reader spends trying to orientate themselves in the scene.
Sometimes I see INT/EXT. written at the start of a slug-line - what's that all about?
Glad you asked.
It can also be written I/E. But it means the same thing.
This is used when your scene takes places INSIDE something, but it is also important to know that this INTERNAL location is OUTSIDE somewhere.
Confusing?
Here's an example to clarify.
INT./EXT. MARK'S CAR - PARKED/TIMES SQUARE - NIGHT
This slug-line says that the scene takes place INSIDE Mark's car and that Mark's car is parked in Times Square.
The slug-line written like this lets us know that we are INSIDE looking OUT - not OUTSIDE looking IN.
If this slug-line were written - EXT. TIMES SQUARE - MARK'S CAR - NIGHT
It says that we are OUTSIDE Mark's car that is parked in Times Square, looking in.
When writing a location for a vehicle that can move, such as a car, train, plane etc, it's important to let us know if it is MOVING or PARKED - you can also use STATIONARY for things like PLANES etc.
Example -
INT. TRAIN - PASSENGER CAR - MOVING - DAY
This lets us know that the train is in motion.
How to use DAY and NIGHT...
I often see - MORNING or EVENING or DUSK written in slug-lines.
I don't often write about RULES in screenwriting - mostly about principles - the difference obvious - but here's one of the few RULES of screenwriting.
Only ever use DAY or NIGHT.
Why?
It comes down to budget.
Dusk lasts about 1-hour max. So does Morning light.
It's called the magic-hour - it looks amazing when you shoot the sun either dipping behind or rising from the horizon - but to schedule a shoot to capture that sunlight requires dedicating almost an entire day to having everything ready to shoot within that one hour window.
Filmmaking is an unpredictable art form.
There are soooooo many variables that can and invariably do go wrong that your shooting schedule is almost ALWAYS completely out of whack with how you planned.
When shooting a film - you are always under the pump to get it done on budget.
Most shoots go over budget and over time causing the schedule to be reworked on the fly to better utilize the remaining shooting days.
When you write – DUSK - in your slug-line it means you have to dedicate almost an entire day to get that one scene that takes place at dusk.
Now if there's more than one setup that's supposed to take place at DUSK - you have to dedicate more than one day.
That's uneconomical shooting. No producer that's worth their salt will try to do this.
As a writer, you need to only use DAY or NIGHT, because there're roughly 11 hours of both during any one 24 hour period - depending on where on earth you're shooting.
NEVER USE BOLD IN SLUG-LINES
Another common mistake I see in amateur screenplays is the BOLD SLUG-LINE
I was guilty of this mistake when I started out.
At first, my rationale was that it broke the page up. You could see when a new scene was starting as it was clearly labeled in bold.
I slowly came to understand that when you have read enough screenplays - your eye becomes trained to look out for the INT. or EXT. that says that a new scene has begun.
I also came to learn that when you have bold on the page it becomes distracting to the eye.
As you try to read down the page - your eye is constantly drawn back up the page to this bold writing.
So here's another rule of screenwriting - never
ever
ever
use
bold
In your screenplay.
INTERCUT's explained...
Use INTERCUT when you have a scene that takes place between two locations simultaneously.
First, setup the first location.
INT. CAFE - CORNER BOOTH - DAY
John talks on his cell with Michelle.
JOHN
No way, I'm not going to turn myself in.
Then you write
INTERCUT
INT. MICHELLE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Michelle talks on her home phone.
MICHELLE
It's the only way John, you have to.
From here on you write the dialogue between John and Michelle and you don't have to re-write any of the slug-lines. We know that the scene takes place in BOTH the cafe with John and at Michelle's home.
To let us know who the scene ends with - you simply finish the scene by writing about that person.
For example - say that the scene ends with John.
You would write the scene something like this...
John ends the call, looks out a window, sees a police cruiser driving slowly past.
This lets us know that we ended the conversation in the cafe with John, but there was no need to re-establish the location with a new slug-line.
I do a lot of coverage of screenplays these days. I see a lot of common mistakes.
The following are a series of concise screenwriting tips.
#5 DON'T DIRECT FROM THE PAGE
Another very common error I see in amateur screenplays is where the writer believes it is their job to direct the actor and the camera.
Let's start with the actor.
Countless times I've seen 'John furrows his brow.' Or 'Michelle raises an eyebrow.'
Don't, whatever you do, direct the actor in how to express emotion through their face.
The emotion that you want the actor to convey should be self-evident from the CONTEXT of the scene.
Say you want your actor to express 'confusion'. Rather than writing that the actor should furrow their brow - all you need to do is put that character in a naturally confusing situation.
If you've succeeded in doing that then it is self-evident that the actor would express a look of confusion.
Next are hand movements.
Often I see written - 'John reaches for the cup, curls his fingers around it gently then picks it up.'
This action should simply be written - 'John picks up the cup.'
OR even better yet ... cut to the important action...
'John drinks from the cup.'
If he drinks from it, then it's IMPLIED that he picked it up.
This also falls under the category of OVER-WRITING.
Don't micro describe characters’ actions.
You wouldn't write, 'John places one foot in front of the next, then lifts his first foot and places it in front of the other...'
You'd simply write - 'John walks.'
Now - you might be shaking your head at this advice - thinking just how elementary it is - but the reason I'm writing about it is that I see this kind of actor direction in EVERY SINGLE amateur screenplay I read.
And I read a lot.
Here's another very common way that beginners direct the actor from the page.
JOHN
(angrily)
I told you not to do that!
Here's a RULE for you - not a principle - but a RULE - never - ever - write HOW a line should be delivered.
That is up to the director and the actor to decide.
SURE - if you're writing to direct - then have at.
But the vast majority of writers are not writing to direct.
So don't do it.
The use of parenthesis should be kept really simple.
The best use of it is to direct who is being spoken to.
In any situation where there're more than two characters in a scene - and it's unclear who is speaking to who - use parenthesis like this...
Assume a scene where there are the characters - John, Michelle, Jake and Susan.
JOHN
(to Michelle)
Pass me that monkey-wrench, will you?
SUSAN
(whispers to Jake)
I don't trust John.
Another way to use parenthesis is with sarcasm - when the sarcasm might not be plainly evident.
Consider this scene ...
It's a sweltering hot day. John and Mike sit on a bench, baking in the sun.
JOHN
Damn, it's hot.
MIKE
(sarcasm)
Really, you're hot? I'm cold, I wish I had another jacket.
...
It's not absolutely necessary to put sarcasm in the parenthesis, but given that it's very likely the Reader will be skim-reading - it's a good idea to avoid confusion.
Here's another way that I see writers directing the actor from the page.
JOHN
Hey Mike, I was thinking about...
(beat)
... you know what? Don't worry about it.
Don't ever write (beat).
That's the writer deciding how and where the actor should place their pauses.
Have faith in your actor that they will know the best place to put the pauses to best deliver their lines.
This dialogue would be better written like this -
JOHN
Hey Mike, I was thinking about--
You know what? Don't worry about it.
That's most of directing the actor from the page.
The next thing I see - which is less common - but still prevalent - is directing the camera from the page.
Never - ever - write - 'The camera follows John as he runs after the taxi.'
Instead, you should write - 'John runs after the taxi.'
Of course, the camera is following John as he runs after the taxi - that's the action that's being described, so that's what we're seeing up on the screen.
The only way it got filmed was if the camera was following him.
THE TAKEAWAY
Go to the script you're working on right now.
Do a 'directing from the page pass' - where you only focus on directing from the page.
Consider all the points I've made in this post and carefully analyze your script, removing every instance where you directed the actor and camera from the page.
I do a lot of coverage of screenplays these days. I see a lot of common mistakes.
The following are a series of concise screenwriting tips.
#4 CONCISE WRITING
I've written about this before, but it's something that I keep seeing, over and over, in amateur screenplays and also in a lot of the 'professional' screenplays I read.
It is so refreshing to read a 'lean' screenplay. A screenplay where every line of description is minimal and to the point - void of unnecessary detail.
Let's start at the macro - PAGE COUNT.
Try to remember this - your screenplay should never be over 110 pages long.
Remember that number - 110.
When I say this to screenwriters new to the craft, I often hear, 'but I read an Aaron Sorkin script that was 164 pages and it was great.'
Yup, you sure did.
Aaron Sorkin is one of the highest paid screenwriters on earth.
Are you?
Nope.
Simple - don't use the standard by which the uber-professionals are judged for yourself.
When starting out you have to EARN your stripes.
That means bringing in your page count at 110 pages.
Now I'm going to take this one step further.
Really - if you're an 'unknown' in the sense that you don't have a major IMDB credit to your name - then your screenplay should come in at 100 pages.
Why is that?
Page count is the very first thing readers look at it.
It's their gauge to seeing what kind of writer you are.
When a reader sees that the page count of a genre film is 122 pages long they automatically dismiss the writer as amateur.
When another genre script comes in at 110 pages - it's better - but the reader will really want to know why the script is coming in at 110 pages, not 98.
You'll have the benefit of the doubt going into the read - but the reader will be on the lookout for more red flags as they read.
If the reader has a genre script that's coming in at 95-100 pages long, they go into the read knowing that the writer has done their homework.
Think about that - do you want the reader going into the read to be on the alert, looking out for your next mistake so they can go into super-skim-read-mode and give your script a pass?
Or do you want them to go into your script with a sense of respect - knowing that this writer has at least understood how important page count is?
I have NEVER read an amateur screenplay that couldn't have cut its page count by 25% or more.
Never, ever.
Here's six trim tips to cut your page count.
TRIM TIP #1.
This is the simplest one. It doesn't involve very much editing at all.
Go through your screenplay - and look out for wrap-around single sentences.
What I mean by that is - a sentence that spans the width of the page - then goes onto a second line with the final word, or words.
Then re-write that sentence until it fits onto just ONE LINE.
You do that enough times in your script and you're going to trim your page count by at least 5 pages.
You haven't changed the story AT ALL - but you have cut the page count.
TRIM TIP #2
Look at the core of each scene.
Go through every scene you have written. Think about what that scene is trying to achieve.
X character must deliver this piece of information.
Then start the scene as close to that key piece of information as you can.
Then when that piece of information is delivered - end the scene as soon as you can.
One thing I notice with amateur screenplays is THE PREAMBLE.
The characters enter the scene, have a little chat, then get down to business.
Total waste of time. Cut all preamble.
To see lean screenwriting at its best - Watch THE BLACKLIST or GOOD WIFE.
These shows are hugely successful for a reason, they have no fat on their bones.
Every scene moves the story forward.
TRIM TIP #3
Re-write every sentence.
This may seem obvious - but again - I've NEVER seen an amateur screenplay that didn't have over-written sentences.
Go through your script - sentence by sentence - take the first sentence - let's say it comes in at 12 words.
Re-write it until it says the same thing but comes in at 8 words.
Soooooo simple it hurts.
TRIM TIP #4
Cut floral-writing. By floral-writing I mean anything that would better suit a novel.
That mostly means similes and metaphors.
Having said that - it is okay to have a handful of well-placed similes or metaphors in your script so it doesn't read too dry.
Aim at no more than 6 floral sentences in your script. And make sure they are well placed and well executed.
TRIM TIP #5
Don't underestimate the audience's intelligence.
If, say, in one scene you have had a major revelation, don't cut to the next scene where another character finds out about the revelation.
Cut to the next scene and SHOW the character REACTING to the revelation.
Even though we haven't SEEN the character learn of the revelation - we will understand that they have learnt of it - why? Because they are reacting to it.
TRIM TIP #6
Don't tell the audience what they already know.
I recently tried to watch Walt Before Mickey.
It was bad. I mean, really bad.
One HUGE mistake that film made - was - after the audience learned of a plot point, it would cut to the next scene and another character would say, 'What happened?' - then another character would tell the first character what had happened in the previous scene.
Do I even need to point out how stupid that is?
SUMMARY --
The leaner your script the more readers will love you.
When a script is lean - readers focus on the STORY - and that's what you want your script to be judged by.
Not how well you constructed a sentence - but how you bring together all your characters and thread them into your story.
Be honest with yourself - go to the script you're working on at the moment and - regardless of the page count - apply the six trim tips I've laid out here.
Even if your script was already coming in at 98 pages - apply these tips - you should be able to get your page count down to around 90 pages and yet you're telling the SAME STORY.
That's only going to bode well for you when it comes to the reader evaluating your script.
