I do a lot of coverage of screenplays these days. I see a lot of common mistakes.
The following are a series of concise screenwriting tips.
#6 SLUGLINES
Quite a simple post today - but an area that evidently needs to be addressed as I see far too many amateur screen-writers getting these wrong.
The SLUGLINE is a simplified format for letting producers know the location of the scene.
The simplified formatting looks like this...
INT./EXT. MAJOR LOCATION - MINOR LOCATION - DAY/NIGHT
Here're some examples.
INT. JOHN'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
EXT. FOREST - STREAM - DAY
You get the idea.
INT. stands for interior. EXT. stands for exterior.
MAJOR LOCATION lets us know the general area, while the MINOR LOCATION gives us a more specific understanding of the immediate environs of the scene.
You don't have to have a major location and a minor location.
If, say, you have a character walking through the woods - it would be sufficient to write
EXT. WOODS - DAY
The purpose of the slug-line is to paint the scene in the most concise way possible.
But you don't want to be too concise with your slug-line.
For example - I often see INT. HOUSE - NIGHT
This slug-line lacks some necessary detail.
Whose house is it, and what part of the house are we in?
When your slug-line lacks detail, the reader goes into the scene searching for clues as to where the location is.
Until your reader KNOWS where the scene is set, they are unable to visualize the scene properly.
A good script consists of word pictures.
Everything you write should be visual. The easier it is to visualize the environment, characters, and the events that take place, the better your script will read.
Some scripts I come away from with a very clear sense of the world the writer intended to create.
Other scripts I come away from and it's like trying to remember a dream from a year ago. You can recall vague notions of what it was about, and sure you might recall an emotion - but all-in-all it's broken and dis-jointed.
The takeaway? - Be specific with your slug-lines - they set up the scene for the reader.
The clearer the setting - the less time the reader spends trying to orientate themselves in the scene.
Sometimes I see INT/EXT. written at the start of a slug-line - what's that all about?
Glad you asked.
It can also be written I/E. But it means the same thing.
This is used when your scene takes places INSIDE something, but it is also important to know that this INTERNAL location is OUTSIDE somewhere.
Confusing?
Here's an example to clarify.
INT./EXT. MARK'S CAR - PARKED/TIMES SQUARE - NIGHT
This slug-line says that the scene takes place INSIDE Mark's car and that Mark's car is parked in Times Square.
The slug-line written like this lets us know that we are INSIDE looking OUT - not OUTSIDE looking IN.
If this slug-line were written - EXT. TIMES SQUARE - MARK'S CAR - NIGHT
It says that we are OUTSIDE Mark's car that is parked in Times Square, looking in.
When writing a location for a vehicle that can move, such as a car, train, plane etc, it's important to let us know if it is MOVING or PARKED - you can also use STATIONARY for things like PLANES etc.
Example -
INT. TRAIN - PASSENGER CAR - MOVING - DAY
This lets us know that the train is in motion.
How to use DAY and NIGHT...
I often see - MORNING or EVENING or DUSK written in slug-lines.
I don't often write about RULES in screenwriting - mostly about principles - the difference obvious - but here's one of the few RULES of screenwriting.
Only ever use DAY or NIGHT.
Why?
It comes down to budget.
Dusk lasts about 1-hour max. So does Morning light.
It's called the magic-hour - it looks amazing when you shoot the sun either dipping behind or rising from the horizon - but to schedule a shoot to capture that sunlight requires dedicating almost an entire day to having everything ready to shoot within that one hour window.
Filmmaking is an unpredictable art form.
There are soooooo many variables that can and invariably do go wrong that your shooting schedule is almost ALWAYS completely out of whack with how you planned.
When shooting a film - you are always under the pump to get it done on budget.
Most shoots go over budget and over time causing the schedule to be reworked on the fly to better utilize the remaining shooting days.
When you write – DUSK - in your slug-line it means you have to dedicate almost an entire day to get that one scene that takes place at dusk.
Now if there's more than one setup that's supposed to take place at DUSK - you have to dedicate more than one day.
That's uneconomical shooting. No producer that's worth their salt will try to do this.
As a writer, you need to only use DAY or NIGHT, because there're roughly 11 hours of both during any one 24 hour period - depending on where on earth you're shooting.
NEVER USE BOLD IN SLUG-LINES
Another common mistake I see in amateur screenplays is the BOLD SLUG-LINE
I was guilty of this mistake when I started out.
At first, my rationale was that it broke the page up. You could see when a new scene was starting as it was clearly labeled in bold.
I slowly came to understand that when you have read enough screenplays - your eye becomes trained to look out for the INT. or EXT. that says that a new scene has begun.
I also came to learn that when you have bold on the page it becomes distracting to the eye.
As you try to read down the page - your eye is constantly drawn back up the page to this bold writing.
So here's another rule of screenwriting - never
ever
ever
use
bold
In your screenplay.
INTERCUT's explained...
Use INTERCUT when you have a scene that takes place between two locations simultaneously.
First, setup the first location.
INT. CAFE - CORNER BOOTH - DAY
John talks on his cell with Michelle.
JOHN
No way, I'm not going to turn myself in.
Then you write
INTERCUT
INT. MICHELLE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Michelle talks on her home phone.
MICHELLE
It's the only way John, you have to.
From here on you write the dialogue between John and Michelle and you don't have to re-write any of the slug-lines. We know that the scene takes place in BOTH the cafe with John and at Michelle's home.
To let us know who the scene ends with - you simply finish the scene by writing about that person.
For example - say that the scene ends with John.
You would write the scene something like this...
John ends the call, looks out a window, sees a police cruiser driving slowly past.
This lets us know that we ended the conversation in the cafe with John, but there was no need to re-establish the location with a new slug-line.
I do a lot of coverage of screenplays these days. I see a lot of common mistakes.
The following are a series of concise screenwriting tips.
#5 DON'T DIRECT FROM THE PAGE
Another very common error I see in amateur screenplays is where the writer believes it is their job to direct the actor and the camera.
Let's start with the actor.
Countless times I've seen 'John furrows his brow.' Or 'Michelle raises an eyebrow.'
Don't, whatever you do, direct the actor in how to express emotion through their face.
The emotion that you want the actor to convey should be self-evident from the CONTEXT of the scene.
Say you want your actor to express 'confusion'. Rather than writing that the actor should furrow their brow - all you need to do is put that character in a naturally confusing situation.
If you've succeeded in doing that then it is self-evident that the actor would express a look of confusion.
Next are hand movements.
Often I see written - 'John reaches for the cup, curls his fingers around it gently then picks it up.'
This action should simply be written - 'John picks up the cup.'
OR even better yet ... cut to the important action...
'John drinks from the cup.'
If he drinks from it, then it's IMPLIED that he picked it up.
This also falls under the category of OVER-WRITING.
Don't micro describe characters’ actions.
You wouldn't write, 'John places one foot in front of the next, then lifts his first foot and places it in front of the other...'
You'd simply write - 'John walks.'
Now - you might be shaking your head at this advice - thinking just how elementary it is - but the reason I'm writing about it is that I see this kind of actor direction in EVERY SINGLE amateur screenplay I read.
And I read a lot.
Here's another very common way that beginners direct the actor from the page.
JOHN
(angrily)
I told you not to do that!
Here's a RULE for you - not a principle - but a RULE - never - ever - write HOW a line should be delivered.
That is up to the director and the actor to decide.
SURE - if you're writing to direct - then have at.
But the vast majority of writers are not writing to direct.
So don't do it.
The use of parenthesis should be kept really simple.
The best use of it is to direct who is being spoken to.
In any situation where there're more than two characters in a scene - and it's unclear who is speaking to who - use parenthesis like this...
Assume a scene where there are the characters - John, Michelle, Jake and Susan.
JOHN
(to Michelle)
Pass me that monkey-wrench, will you?
SUSAN
(whispers to Jake)
I don't trust John.
Another way to use parenthesis is with sarcasm - when the sarcasm might not be plainly evident.
Consider this scene ...
It's a sweltering hot day. John and Mike sit on a bench, baking in the sun.
JOHN
Damn, it's hot.
MIKE
(sarcasm)
Really, you're hot? I'm cold, I wish I had another jacket.
...
It's not absolutely necessary to put sarcasm in the parenthesis, but given that it's very likely the Reader will be skim-reading - it's a good idea to avoid confusion.
Here's another way that I see writers directing the actor from the page.
JOHN
Hey Mike, I was thinking about...
(beat)
... you know what? Don't worry about it.
Don't ever write (beat).
That's the writer deciding how and where the actor should place their pauses.
Have faith in your actor that they will know the best place to put the pauses to best deliver their lines.
This dialogue would be better written like this -
JOHN
Hey Mike, I was thinking about--
You know what? Don't worry about it.
That's most of directing the actor from the page.
The next thing I see - which is less common - but still prevalent - is directing the camera from the page.
Never - ever - write - 'The camera follows John as he runs after the taxi.'
Instead, you should write - 'John runs after the taxi.'
Of course, the camera is following John as he runs after the taxi - that's the action that's being described, so that's what we're seeing up on the screen.
The only way it got filmed was if the camera was following him.
THE TAKEAWAY
Go to the script you're working on right now.
Do a 'directing from the page pass' - where you only focus on directing from the page.
Consider all the points I've made in this post and carefully analyze your script, removing every instance where you directed the actor and camera from the page.
I do a lot of coverage of screenplays these days. I see a lot of common mistakes.
The following are a series of concise screenwriting tips.
#4 CONCISE WRITING
I've written about this before, but it's something that I keep seeing, over and over, in amateur screenplays and also in a lot of the 'professional' screenplays I read.
It is so refreshing to read a 'lean' screenplay. A screenplay where every line of description is minimal and to the point - void of unnecessary detail.
Let's start at the macro - PAGE COUNT.
Try to remember this - your screenplay should never be over 110 pages long.
Remember that number - 110.
When I say this to screenwriters new to the craft, I often hear, 'but I read an Aaron Sorkin script that was 164 pages and it was great.'
Yup, you sure did.
Aaron Sorkin is one of the highest paid screenwriters on earth.
Are you?
Nope.
Simple - don't use the standard by which the uber-professionals are judged for yourself.
When starting out you have to EARN your stripes.
That means bringing in your page count at 110 pages.
Now I'm going to take this one step further.
Really - if you're an 'unknown' in the sense that you don't have a major IMDB credit to your name - then your screenplay should come in at 100 pages.
Why is that?
Page count is the very first thing readers look at it.
It's their gauge to seeing what kind of writer you are.
When a reader sees that the page count of a genre film is 122 pages long they automatically dismiss the writer as amateur.
When another genre script comes in at 110 pages - it's better - but the reader will really want to know why the script is coming in at 110 pages, not 98.
You'll have the benefit of the doubt going into the read - but the reader will be on the lookout for more red flags as they read.
If the reader has a genre script that's coming in at 95-100 pages long, they go into the read knowing that the writer has done their homework.
Think about that - do you want the reader going into the read to be on the alert, looking out for your next mistake so they can go into super-skim-read-mode and give your script a pass?
Or do you want them to go into your script with a sense of respect - knowing that this writer has at least understood how important page count is?
I have NEVER read an amateur screenplay that couldn't have cut its page count by 25% or more.
Never, ever.
Here's six trim tips to cut your page count.
TRIM TIP #1.
This is the simplest one. It doesn't involve very much editing at all.
Go through your screenplay - and look out for wrap-around single sentences.
What I mean by that is - a sentence that spans the width of the page - then goes onto a second line with the final word, or words.
Then re-write that sentence until it fits onto just ONE LINE.
You do that enough times in your script and you're going to trim your page count by at least 5 pages.
You haven't changed the story AT ALL - but you have cut the page count.
TRIM TIP #2
Look at the core of each scene.
Go through every scene you have written. Think about what that scene is trying to achieve.
X character must deliver this piece of information.
Then start the scene as close to that key piece of information as you can.
Then when that piece of information is delivered - end the scene as soon as you can.
One thing I notice with amateur screenplays is THE PREAMBLE.
The characters enter the scene, have a little chat, then get down to business.
Total waste of time. Cut all preamble.
To see lean screenwriting at its best - Watch THE BLACKLIST or GOOD WIFE.
These shows are hugely successful for a reason, they have no fat on their bones.
Every scene moves the story forward.
TRIM TIP #3
Re-write every sentence.
This may seem obvious - but again - I've NEVER seen an amateur screenplay that didn't have over-written sentences.
Go through your script - sentence by sentence - take the first sentence - let's say it comes in at 12 words.
Re-write it until it says the same thing but comes in at 8 words.
Soooooo simple it hurts.
TRIM TIP #4
Cut floral-writing. By floral-writing I mean anything that would better suit a novel.
That mostly means similes and metaphors.
Having said that - it is okay to have a handful of well-placed similes or metaphors in your script so it doesn't read too dry.
Aim at no more than 6 floral sentences in your script. And make sure they are well placed and well executed.
TRIM TIP #5
Don't underestimate the audience's intelligence.
If, say, in one scene you have had a major revelation, don't cut to the next scene where another character finds out about the revelation.
Cut to the next scene and SHOW the character REACTING to the revelation.
Even though we haven't SEEN the character learn of the revelation - we will understand that they have learnt of it - why? Because they are reacting to it.
TRIM TIP #6
Don't tell the audience what they already know.
I recently tried to watch Walt Before Mickey.
It was bad. I mean, really bad.
One HUGE mistake that film made - was - after the audience learned of a plot point, it would cut to the next scene and another character would say, 'What happened?' - then another character would tell the first character what had happened in the previous scene.
Do I even need to point out how stupid that is?
SUMMARY --
The leaner your script the more readers will love you.
When a script is lean - readers focus on the STORY - and that's what you want your script to be judged by.
Not how well you constructed a sentence - but how you bring together all your characters and thread them into your story.
Be honest with yourself - go to the script you're working on at the moment and - regardless of the page count - apply the six trim tips I've laid out here.
Even if your script was already coming in at 98 pages - apply these tips - you should be able to get your page count down to around 90 pages and yet you're telling the SAME STORY.
That's only going to bode well for you when it comes to the reader evaluating your script.
I do a lot of coverage of screenplays these days. I see a lot of common mistakes.
The following are a series of concise screenwriting tips.
#3 WRITE WITH PRODUCTION IN MIND
When you start out as a writer you'll often hear others say - "Don't think about restrictions - just write as it comes to you - don't create any boundaries - just write and let it flow."
While this is good advice to a certain degree - especially for those writers who have trouble putting words on the page - there ultimately comes a time when you have to think about your market.
While screenwriting is at its heart is a creative pursuit - ultimately - you are like any other business (assuming you want to do this for money - for those not wanting to make money out of screenwriting - disregard this post - for the rest - read on...).
Think of the car industry - it's all well and good for a car designer to be told to design the most amazing car they can with no restrictions.
What's the end result? You end up with a state-of-the-art car that costs about $10m to make.
Now let's go and look at the car market.
Oh, shit - there's a really small about of people out there willing to spend $10m on a car.
In the car marketplace - the main sales go from around the $10k mark up to $100k.
That's the sweet spot - that's where most car owners are happy to buy a car.
The same needs to be done for your film.
There are only a handful of production studios that can make a $200m film. We're talking less than 10 worldwide.
These companies typically develop these $200m films internally.
Jump down a notch to the $100m film category - sure, there's a handful more production companies that can raise this kind of cash - but again - because of the amount of money at risk - they're only going to want to work with creatives who have a proven track-record of delivering quality product on budget.
So unless you have a slew of great credits - writing for this price-point is a waste of time.
Jump down to the $50m mark - again - there are more production companies who can raise this kind of money - but again - $50m is a lot of money - so again, these producers aren't going to risk it on (essentially) unknown creatives.
Jump down to the $20m mark - yes, there's a lot of production companies that can raise this capital to make a film - but again - $20m is a lot of cash to risk on unknowns.
Jump down again - to the $15m price point.
More production companies - and here you will see some 'little knowns' getting their break - but these are still few and far between.
It's not until you jump down to the $5m category that you start to see more 'first-time directors/writers breaking in.'
But even here - they want SOME kind of track record - a short film that did well - a feature script that won a major script comp - or made it onto the Black/Hit/Blood/Brit list.
It's really at the $500k - $3m range where you see most of 'new creatives' getting their break-through.
So with that in mind - if you have little or no IMDB credits to your name - and you don't have really good representation - then this is where you should write your screenplays for.
If you can come up with a high concept feature film that is set in 4 or less locations with a cast of less than 6 you have an immensely better chance of getting your film made than if you've written the next Titanic.
Think about that for a while...
So that's MACRO film budget.
Let's talk scene level film budget...
What do you mean by that?
How you write each scene can have a major effect on the budget of your film.
I recently reviewed a script with a gorilla in the scene. Then I thought - how damn expensive would it be to get a gorilla for that scene?
Where the hell would you start?
Then I looked at the scene - the gorilla was not central to the scene. The gorilla was window dressing. Sure, it made the scene better, but the core of the scene didn't change if you removed the gorilla.
The scene was set in a forest.
A forest is quite possibly one of the cheapest places to shoot a scene.
There's no set dressing. No lighting (assuming you're shooting at day.)
You really only need minimal crew and your cast.
So, with that gorilla scene in mind - the moment the writer removed the gorilla from the scene - the shot went from a $20k day - to a $2k day. That's a rough estimate - obviously - but you get the idea.
Securing large public locations can be costly.
Shooting a scene in LAX will cost you an arm and a leg.
Think about that important meeting you have between two characters that happens at arrivals in LAX.
Is there any reason why you couldn't have the meet take place in the BATHROOM at LAX.
That way - all you need to get is an establishing shot of LAX - that won't cost very much at all.
Then you can go to ANY BATHROOM in ANY BUILDING and shoot the bathroom meet between your two main characters. Have some audio effects of flight calls being announced on PA speakers and you've sold the moment - simultaneously you've reduced your budget dramatically.
The same goes for scenes that take place in sports stadiums.
Is it imperative that the scene is shot in the stands at a packed football match?
OR...
Could you have a scene-setting shot of the football field - a drone shot perhaps - something you could buy from stock footage for a couple of hundred dollars.
Then the important scene - the important moment - that was going to happen in the stands surrounded by thousands of people - could take place inside - say in a cafe - or a bar - or any location that's small and doesn't require paying one thousand extras.
A really good test is to go through your screenplay - look at each scene - think about what the core of the scene is - ask yourself, what are you trying to do with that scene?
Once you know what the core of your scene is - think about alternate locations and ways to execute that beat.
You'll find that almost every scene can be executed in a far less expensive way.
Cost of production is something that any producer that's worth their salt considers as they read scripts.
If a producer knows that they can get a film made for $2m - then they're going to pass on any script that doesn't meet that budget - regardless of if the film is a great script or not.
I do a lot of coverage of screenplays these days. I see a lot of common mistakes.
The following are a series of concise screenwriting tips.
#2 MONTAGES
Montages serve two main functions.
They show a long passage of time in a short period of time.
They can either focus on one main character - or they can follow a series of characters.
There really is no rule.
The main thing to make sure that's happening in a montage is that there is a progression of events - that the story is being moved forward.
If you're focusing on one main character in your montage - then you want to show that character growing and learning - at the start of the montage they are unable to do, or are bad at doing something - by the end of the montage they have grown better at doing that certain something - quite often having mastered it.
There is another way to use a montage WITHOUT moving the story forward - this is when you use a montage to put forward your theme.
Just say your theme is the devastation of mining on the environment - you could have a montage of shots showing various mines around the world that have destroyed the environment.
In this montage the story has not been moved forward - but you have put forth your thesis - it's kind of like the writer or director or producer saying - this is what this story will be about.
In screenwriting it is important to SHOW not TELL.
Using a montage in this way is a much more effective way of conveying your theme, than having a character TALKING about the devastation of mining.
Hearing someone talk about something is only half as effective as seeing that same thing.
WRITING A MONTAGE
If your script is only going to have one montage in it - then you don't need to label your montage.
Simply write
MONTAGE --
Then use a dash, or a double dash, and write how you'd like each scene to go. You don't need to write traditional slug lines in a montage. It slows down the read. It's okay to write locations in long form - as such...
- Football field - Day - Mike throws the ball. It falls short. His arm is still hurting badly from his injury. He gives up. Walks off the field.
- Gym - Day - Mike works with light weights. His face pained, his arm hurting badly. He gives up.
- Physio center - Day - Mike struggles with physio exercises.
- Football Field - Spectators stands - night - Mike watches his team lose a game. Anger and determination fills his face.
Now that you've setup the four major locations - you cycle back through those same locations showing a progression each time you revisit them.
- Football Field - Day - Mike throws the football. It falls short. His arm still hurting. But this time he walks to the ball, picks it up, throws it again. He's not going to give up.
- Gym - day - Mike works with light weights. It hurts, but he's determined to push through.
- Physio center - Day - Mike powers through his exercises. It hurts, but he's determined to do this.
Football Field - spectators stand - night - Mike watches his team play a hard game, but they lost by one point.
We then cycle through the locations two more times.
The third time Mike has made more progression, the fourth time he is almost as good as new.
When you've finished writing the montage you write...
END MONTAGE.
If you have multiple montages throughout your script it's a good idea to label them.
I.E...
MIKE'S TRAINING MONTAGE.
MIKE'S STUDYING MONTAGE.
MIKE'S TRAVELLING MONTAGE.
Etc...
The main reason for this is clarity.
It's important to note that when a 'Reader' reads your script, at best they're going to read about 70% of it. You'll be lucky if they read that much. Odds are, that they'll speed read, which means that they'll read just enough to understand the story and the characters.
The reason for this comes down to just how many scripts there are to be read. If a Reader read every screenplay slowly and throughly, they'd be out of a job very quickly.
With this in mind, it's a good idea to clearly label your montages to avoid any confusion for your reader.
I do a lot of coverage of screenplays these days. I see a lot of common mistakes.
The following are a series of concise screenwriting tips.
#1 - FONT/WRITING PROGRAM
A lot of writers seem to think that writing a screenplay in anything other than Final Draft is fine.
'You can't tell the difference' - is the main excuse I hear.
No - you're wrong. I can tell the difference. So can professional Managers, Agents, Readers and Producers.
When a reader sees that a script was written in anything but Final Draft - they automatically flag the screenplay as amateur. Then when they see one more red flag, they start to skim read. Give then one or two more red flags and odds are they'll move into super skim-reading mode, then write up a really quick summary that ends with PASS.
A lot of new writers don't seem to understand just how saturated the screenwriting market is.
There are 50,000 screenplays registered at WGAw yearly. On top of that it's safe to say there are another 50,000 scripts written yearly that go unregistered.
So that's 100,000 screenplays written EVERY YEAR.
Then factor in that it can - in some instances - take 10 years to see a script go from page to the screen - in which case your screenplay is competing at any given time, with over 1 million other scripts.
Think about that for a moment.
1
million
screenplays.
That's a lot of screenplays.
If you can't be bothered to make the investment of $200 and get the ONLY piece of software you need to write screenplays professionally, what does that say about you as a writer?
It says that you're not taking it seriously.
When a reader sees that - they check out. And unless your script is incredible - which - odds are it isn't - not by a country mile - then after two pages they've checked out completely - and they're moving onto the next script.
